Rocket Tangerine
by Test Subject 5
Summary: Jodie Shepard is given her first real mission in five years, only to learn that she wasn't the Alliance's first choice for the Normandy's Executive Officer. Beneath the watchful eyes of a doubtful many, Shepard fights to prove her worth as a champion of humanity. My personal retelling of ME1, taking a few creative liberties. Intrigue, Action, and occasional fluff.
1. Prologue

The news that Roy Chamberlin had a mental breakdown during a formal dinner aboard Arcturus had spread like wildfire. Some of the specifics, such as Roy's previous episodes while on liberty, or his growing financial instability at home had been strangely ignored. All anybody knew or seemed to care about was that Roy had pulled a pistol out, screamed bloody murder about 'aliens' and shot himself in the head. He was also the Alliance's best soldier. An N7-designated marine with a Star of Terra and military upbringing.

Shepard had heard about Roy during a test flight with one of the new Sabre-class fighter craft. She'd been conducting an approach run for her landing aboard the carrier when one of the pilots started babbling on about an N7 going ape-shit crazy in front of a bunch of politicians.

"He just started screaming about batarians and turians and how they were out to get us," the pilot had said.

"What did he mean by 'us?'" Shepard asked. The comms got pretty quiet when Shepard voiced her question. The soft spoken stand out amongst her fellow test pilots as an N7 flying with those who were considered 'standard,' she'd made few friends and a large group of awestruck observers.

"Humanity, I guess," came the tentative response. "Did you know him, Lieutenant? I think his name was Roy something."

Everybody in the Alliance had known Roy Chamberlin. Perhaps not his name, as most N7's were given false ID's while at work, but everybody knew of his accomplishments. A champion from his actions on Elysium where he saved the entire colony with only his rifle and a narrow mountain pass. His parents were both Admirals of different battle groups. Even civilians knew him as the mysterious muscle man who'd married Francis O'Leary, the star actress from the hit show_ Colony Lies_.

Shepard landed her craft aboard the carrier vessel and made her report without answering her wingman's question. Of course she had known Roy, hell, she'd had dinner at his house a few times. Roy hadn't necessarily been a friend, but he'd been an all-around nice man considering the job he did. They'd graduated in the same Fireteam in N-school with four others. Roy had been a standout even then, persevering when everyone else was ready to sit down and make the 'Walk of Shame,' as the instructors had called it. A good man who'd obviously been harboring enough demons to commit suicide.

Shepard supposed every soldier had their fair share of demons. N7's especially. She'd been trained to do things that were… morally unacceptable by most standards. Yet she'd never thought of suicide as an option. Not even after the colossal fuck-up that was Akuze.

For the next few hours, as dinner and shower-time rolled around, Shepard heard more and more about the 'crazed commando' that 'blew his brains out' over a politician's wife. That one had gotten a few laughs, with the wife's name changing depending on who was telling that story. Shepard quietly listened while working away at a pile of flubber that the culinary specialists claimed was food.

"I heard the Ambassador… what's his name? Udina? Yeah, I heard he screamed like a bitch when that Chamberlin guy did it. Tumbling over the table and sprinting out with Hershey kisses in his pants." The table exploded into laughter.

"Yeah, funny and all, but that dude was an N7! They're like… the best of the best. Like Shepard."

"Yeah, Shepard. Hey, Shepard, did you know this guy?" Again, the same question. Shepard looked up from her food, a dozen eyes aimed right at her.

"Thought I did," Shepard replied simply. "Maybe not."

They all, thankfully, went back to their rambling. Shepard left a little while later, showered, and headed for her rack. As an N7, she was obliged a private room. It was small, even by ship standards, but it was quiet, solitary, and provided a good place to think. Shepard laid on top of the itchy covers in her casuals with one arm behind her head and the other at her side, fingers tapping against her leg to the rhythm of the _Colony Lies_ intro music. All of this talk about Roy and nothing about his family. What about his wife? Shepard remembered her as a tall, beautiful woman that wasn't her type, but she was undoubtedly the one for Roy.

Shepard finally felt the weight of Roy's death when she imagined his wife going through all of this. These days, most deaths, primarily those involving the suicides and murders of influential people, were so blown out of proportion you could expect a movie deal and a condolence letter rolled into one by the third week after the passing. Humans liked entertainment, if the Rainbow Revolution a century ago was anything to go by. Especially, it seemed, if it came at the detriment of others.

No tears came, Shepard had run out of those back when she'd been an Earth rat. She'd lost plenty of friends then, but this was the first suicide that she'd had to deal with. What could have pushed Roy Chamberlin, the unsung hero of the Alliance, to take his own life in such a circumstance: a fancy dinner in prestigious company?

Whatever assignment he'd been assigned to would be suffering a real loss of talent, skill, and integrity, Shepard decided. She was fairly sure he had never failed a mission, something Shepard couldn't personally stand up to. He'd spent the years since graduation leading combat troops in special operations against pirate bases and freeing slaves. Shepard had been test flying fighter craft and had fired not one bullet in anger in the past five years. Even her armor still looked brand new. Hell, she hadn't even been shot at once since earning it. It just stayed packed away in her locker.

Shepard sighed and decided that the best course of action now was to send a message to Mrs. Chamberlin and offer her condolences. Considering the Discretion Codes that came with being an N7 operator, Shepard wouldn't be allowed to attend the funeral. Of course, explaining that in a message could easily be misinterpreted if Roy hadn't explained things to Francis. She'd have to be clear, but concise.

"**_Lieutenant Shepard to the briefing room, Lieutenant Shepard to the briefing room._**"

Shepard sat up immediately at the voice of the helmsman over the intercom. She knew being called by name would have something to do with Roy. She never messed up her reports and always squared her gear away properly, after all. Shepard stood and zipped up her jumpsuit before leaving her tiny room to listen to the captain.

* * *

Three days later…

* * *

Shepard's ensuing conversation with the captain of the _Common Man_, the carrier on which Shepard had been a test pilot, had been brief and held little in the way of emotion. He'd thanked her for her exemplary performance as a pilot and role model for other crewmembers but 'regretfully' informed her that she would be transferred per Admiral Hackett's request. Shepard had learned over the years as a soldier to not ask questions in situations like these. It was better for everyone involved if she simply nodded and said, "Yes, sir."

Shepard now waited patiently outside of none other than Ambassador Donnel Udina's office on Arcturus Station, one of the most influential and powerful men in the human race. Arcturus was the nerve center of Alliance command away from Earth, being the largest space station built by the human race. It wouldn't be her first meeting with a politician, though her reasons for doing so were always different each time. Usually they involved her making a case to them about the necessity of having the N7 Project and its usefulness. Never before had her visits prompted a change in mission, however.

Shepard stood at attention as the door to the office suddenly slid open, a young secretary in blue uniform coming out with a datapad in the crook of her arm.

"Please come in, Lieutenant," she said. The secretary's eyes betrayed her feelings when she looked at Shepard hungrily. Shepard quickly broke eye contact, feeling the off-putting desire in them. She quickly walked into the office, taking care to not accidently brush against the secretary.

The office space was arid and cool, with plenty of space to walk around in. In fact, it was large enough for several couches, plants, and coffee tables to be set up, making the office look like a library sitting area. Three men sat in the center of the room, each in a different arm chair and looking sorry for themselves. Shepard immediately recognized Admiral Hackett from a few past meetings, including a brief conversation at Shepard's N-School graduation. She also recognized Udina from several news clips, humorously thinking that he did the pictures little justice. She did not recognize the third man, however, but noted that despite his weary and aged appearance, he was all muscle.

"Welcome, Lieutenant Shepard, please sit down," Udina said as the N7 approached. "Feel free to take a drink."

"No thank you, sir," Shepard said as she sat.

All three of them looked her up and down. Shepard sat straight in her chair, unfazed by their calculating gazes. She'd prepared well before heading out, following orders by coming in her work uniform, a grey jumpsuit with blue trimming, which was just baggy enough to not appear body hugging, but close enough to her body so that nothing was loose. Her hair, dark brown and all curls, was another story. Shepard knew she didn't quite appear to be N7 judging from her stature, but five years of flying ships had resulted in her bulky figure slimming down. Shepard just felt relieved that she had kept up with her cardio workout so as not to appear totally void of physical strength.

As if Udina had been reading her mind, "She's not as strong looking as she is in the file."

"She's been test flying interceptors aboard the _Common Man_ for the past half-decade," Hackett reminded him.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," Udina said. Shepard's face remained brazen, but she couldn't help but feel irritated by Udina's attitude right off the bat. She forced herself to square away those feelings. She'd only just met the man. "She hasn't seen combat in that long? Why have N-training at all?"

"We had initially cited her up for a project involving N-grade pilots to engage with pirate vessels," Hackett said. "That project was cancelled and we chose to keep her as a part of the Test Pilot Auxiliary for the time being. I admit that regretfully, Lieutenant, you were forgotten about. I apologize."

"None needed… sir," Shepard said. _What the fuck had that meant?_ Shepard thought angrily. She'd been flying prototype aircraft that usually resulted in cancelled programs and billions in lost revenue instead of fighting slavers… because the Alliance had _forgotten_ about her?

"I think we're doing little to help Shepard understand the situation," the third man said, quiet until now. He looked at Shepard with dark eyes. "No doubt you heard about Roy Chamberlin's death?"

Shepard recognized the bars on his uniform for his rank, "Yes, Captain."

"Well what you didn't know was that he was assigned to be my executive officer. Aboard a brand new prototype ship."

"Then he lost it and shot himself," Udina said grudgingly. Shepard saw flashes of irritation in both Hackett's and the Captain's eyes.

"Shepard, this is Captain David Anderson," Hackett said. Shepard should have known. She couldn't believe she hadn't recognized the Alliance's most decorated combat veteran. Anderson nodded to her. "As he said, Chamberlin was cited to be his XO, but due to matters outside of our control, that is no longer an option. Chamberlin's mental health hadn't been an issue before that night at the dinner. We were just as surprised as his psychiatrist. Needless to say, that particular medical 'professional' shall be getting herself a revaluation."

"The point to all this is, we needed the best to be Anderson's second in command," Udina said. "Chamberlin was the best. No he's dead."

"I'm the fallback, Sir?" Shepard suggested. She supposed she didn't mind being second best.

"Actually you are the fallback's fallback," Udina said uncomfortably. Shepard didn't respond. Udina continued, "We went through every active N7 operative's file and made a roster of those we considered to be best suited for the position. Chamberlin was first, then Lieutenant Aiko Yukimura, then you."

Shepard sighed inwardly. She knew Aiko from training. A Japanese born, colony raised spitfire with enough skill for a whole platoon of marines, but her hatred for anything not human was frightening even to the extremists in groups like Terra Firma. Her story was a sad one, but hers was like many others. Her colony Mindoir, however, was a dark scar on the Alliance's track record as a colossal failure.

"Aiko Yukimura just can't be left alone in a room with anyone other than human," Anderson said. "A good soldier, a good woman, but her scars run too deep for this mission."

"Permission to speak, sir?" Shepard asked.

"Granted," Hackett said.

"What kind of posting involves the human ambassador, the Admiral of the Fifth Fleet, and the most decorated combat veteran the Alliance has to offer to all be in one room?"

"We're getting to that," Anderson said. "This mission will require direct contact with the fellow races, especially turians as they co-created the prototype ship."

"You showed your skill during training, Lieutenant," Hackett said. "We need someone that can cooperate outside of humanity, lead missions that don't always involve the use of firearms, all while being able to adequately complete the administrative duties that are required of an executive officer. Your lack of combat experience in the past five years won't hamper you greatly on this mission. This is an entirely different front."

"This sounds as if I have a choice, sir," Shepard said.

"No, Lieutenant," Anderson said with just a hint of a smile. "This isn't a choice for you. This is your new posting once we've gotten a few things cleared."

"Sir?"

"We'll be having our top psychiatric professionals meeting with you over the next few days," Udina said. "We don't want a repeat of the other day. Also, this project has been delayed two weeks, which is costing us more money that we had anticipated. You'll have that time to become acclimated with the ship, its crew, and your new responsibilities."

"You'll also be getting a promotion," Anderson said. "You and I will be taking care of that in a few days."

While all of this information was coming at her at a rapid pace, Shepard had been trained for that kind of thing. She knew this had to be a good opportunity if Anderson was involved, and her promotion would come with a pay raise. Commander's had a relatively large jump in pay from a Lieutenant-Commander.

"We only called this meeting to inform you of all this, Lieutenant," Udina said. "You'll have until tomorrow night to transfer your belongings to your new quarters aboard the prototype."

"Yes, sir."

"Anderson will give you the necessary information via OSD," Udina said. Shepard took the offered disk from Anderson and tucked it away in her breast pocket. "That information is very sensitive, Lieutenant. Not a soul outside of the crew may know what is on that disk." Shepard nodded wordlessly. This wasn't the first time she had handled sensitive material, even if it had been during her last leg of N-School.

"You are dismissed, Commander," Hackett said. "Welcome to the Fifth Fleet."

* * *

"Don't feel too bad." Shepard turned around and saw Anderson exiting the office. As the door shut he approached her and offered his hand. "You aren't the only one being labeled a 'replacement.' Another officer, Eli Zander, was supposed to be commanding this mission. He got sacked for the same reasons Aiko most likely would have." Shepard shook his hand.

"It's unfair to judge a person by what they might do," Anderson continued. "But Aiko can be a loose cannon and after Chamberlin's death…"

"No need for another incident, sir," Shepard agreed. "Does she know she was passed over for this mission?"

"No, there was no need to tell her," Anderson said. "She never had any knowledge of this project. Although, come to think of it, her file was updated not a week ago concerning several visits to a psychiatrist during leave time. She might be trying to sort her demons out, either way, we don't have the time to wait on her."

"I'll do my best, sir," Shepard said.

"No doubts here, _Commander_," Anderson winked. "You'll appreciate the better pay, Shepard. Anyway, let's get a few things clear before we see each other again tomorrow."

"What's that, sir?"

"If you have any concerns or ideas, you share them with me," Anderson said. "As executive officer, you not only help keep the ship running, but you can also advise me at any time. I promise to take anything you say into consideration. Secondly, not every mission is going to require you to raise your gun. On this kind of posting, your words are vital. Be diplomatic, be forward when you need to be, and build bridges. We'll be meeting many different kinds of people, Commander. We'll be making many friends."

"Of course, sir," Shepard said.

"One more thing," Anderson said. "Chamberlin and I had half a year to get to know this crew. They may be wary of an unfamiliar face. Don't take anything too personally, you hear?"

"Don't worry, sir, if they need their asses wiped they'll soon know to come to me… and then I'll pass them on to you." Shepard smiled as Anderson chuckled.

"Alright, Commander. I'll see you onboard the _Normandy_ at 0600. Don't be late."

* * *

A/N: I hope you will all enjoy this new story of mine. I could give a list of reasons why I am taking down the other story but the truth is simple: I just ran out of ideas for that character. This new one is fresh and I have a lot planned. If you really require a full explanation, PM me and I'll do my best to give you the answers. Thank you and please remember to review as you are able and drop some constructive criticism along the way! It's the best way to keep me as a writer motivated and make your voices heard!


	2. Prologue Part 2: Perspectives

Kaidan wasn't sure what he had been expecting of Shepard. Working with Roy over the previous months had taught him that N7's were dependable and strong. While Shepard had proven to be both of those things over the past week, she was a completely different person than Roy Chamberlin ever had been.

Kaidan had first met the tall woman when Anderson had him witness Shepard's promotion. He'd stood ramrod as Anderson pinned the Commander's Leaf on Shepard's uniform. Kaidan remembered being struck at how beautiful he considered her to be. She might not be considered traditionally beautiful, but she had a certain handsomeness about her.

Her shoulder length hair was dark brown, and her eyes matched. Despite her good looks, she also appeared a little sickly and pale, like she'd just recovered after being bedridden. Coupled with that, her eyes looked very tired. And yet, regardless of her weary appearance, she didn't ever seem to stop smiling.

Since introducing himself as the _Normandy's _head of security, Shepard had treated Kaidan well. She worked hard on her new duties and walked around the _Normandy_ like she owned the place. Kaidan would stand dumbstruck at how she could get some of the crew talking even if it seemed like they didn't much want to. He would occasionally get odd looks from the crewmembers who Shepard started talking to, as if to say, "Is she for real?" Kaidan would flash them a look and they'd get their asses into gear, but everybody on the _Normandy_ was thinking the same thing. Whatever they had been expecting of Shepard, they weren't expecting what they got. Over the past week, however, they'd all reached the same conclusion: Jodie Shepard was not Roy Chamberlin, but that might not be a bad thing.

* * *

Kaidan watched from his table in the mess hall of the _Normandy_ as Shepard talked with one of Engineer Adams' team. She was talking in her usual style with hands on her cocked hips with a small smile gracing her face. She never interrupted anyone if she could help it, but Kaidan couldn't help but feel like she enjoyed talking to people a lot, even if she was soft-spoken. Kaidan waited until Shepard was done talking before lifting his arm in a wave.

"Hey there, Kaidan," Shepard said nicely as she came over and sat down. That was another thing about Shepard. She rarely ever referred to someone other than by their first name unless they were either of higher rank or she hadn't had her breakfast on time. And damn if she wasn't a grouch without her breakfast…

"Hello, Commander," Kaidan greeted. "I was just wondering if we could talk one on one for a second."

"My door's always open," Shepard said with that smile of hers. She crossed her arms and asked, "What's on your mind?"

"Well, actually, if I may ma'am, I'd like to confess something," Kaidan said. Shepard nodded. "You aren't like Chamberlin was,ma'am. Actually, you two are leagues apart."

"Thanks?"

"Don't get me wrong, ma'am," Kaidan said quickly. "I don't think there is a single crewmember on the _Normandy_ that doesn't like you or respect you so far. You're doing a really good job of getting people to warm up to you. You didn't even get chased out of the engine room by Adams, and that says a lot."

"Don't let him hear you say that," Shepard cut in with a laugh.

"I feel like I'm messing up what I mean to say," Kaidan said anxiously. "Maybe it's not my place to say this, but I was raised to be honest with people. Does ICS train you guys to be nice or something?"

"ICS trains us to kill with anything - from a piece of paper to the main gun of a dreadnaught," Shepard responded. "And don't think we're all nice, Kaidan. We have our fair share of assholes. I knew another trainee by the name of Kai Leng. He was the best hand to hand fighter in our class, even better than Roy. But his skill got to his head, and he almost didn't pass the class after refusing a direct order and punching an instructor."

"Really?"

"If N-School taught me anything, it's that you shouldn't take anything for granted," Shepard said. "Because you could lose that thing and then you could really regret it."

"You learned that in ICS?" Kaidan asked. Shepard laughed.

"I did," Shepard said nodding. "But I think everyone who passes ICS comes away with something a little different."

"What do you think Chamberlin came away with?" Kaidan asked. Shepard sat quietly for a few moments. The distant conversations between crewmembers and the echoes of people's footsteps drifted between Lieutenant and Commander.

"I don't know," Shepard finally responded. "It must have been something good through. Well, I mean, I hope it was good. I guess we'll never know, huh?"

"No…"

"So you really think I've been doing a good job?"

"Oh, yes! For the most part, I'd say that the crew is really starting to take to you."

"Anything I could improve on?" Shepard asked politely. Kaidan hesitated.

"That's not really…"

"Don't be like that, I thought you said you were raised to be honest with people?" Shepard asked.

"I guess all I can suggest is that you keep it up," Kaidan said. He noticed the way she cocked her head slightly at his words, as if she were holding on to every word. She did this with everyone, but it made Kaidan's face heat up. "I mean, you've already gotten me to like you and… others."

"Thanks!" Shepard said. "Hey, I'd better get back to it but thanks for the talk. It's nice to have someone initiate the conversation for once!"

"Sure thing," Kaidan said nervously.

Shepard stood up and straightened her uniform. She gave Kaidan a smile and walked away, leaving the Lieutenant to his devices. He quickly busied himself with his datapad, going through rosters of names and checking attendances. Once again, no AWOL's.

* * *

Anderson, too, had been watching Shepard's progress with the crew, and he had to admit he was impressed. Well, impressed but also a little concerned. While she could get a grumpy crewmember smiling with a few humorous observations and offered praise for good work, she was very unorthodox. Her hair was a mess and didn't conform to typical Alliance regulations. She only referred to people by rank if they were superior to her. And he was pretty sure that Lieutenant Alenko was growing an attraction for the new commander, which raised a host of potential problems.

The thing about Shepard that Anderson found funny, however, was how easy it was to picture her wearing an apron and telling little kids not to run with scissors. It was odd observation, he had to admit, but it was just something Anderson tended to do with new people. What would their lives be like if they hadn't turned to outer space?

Shepard had otherwise been doing a fantastic job with her new duties, from administrative crap to learning about the crew's quirks and duties. She had already memorized everyone's first and last name (often using the first name) and was quickly being accepted. Anderson had only one true gripe with Shepard, however. She didn't know how to discipline.

If a crewmember didn't do his job right or slacked off for any given reason, Shepard never gave them an earful or revoked liberty. She just nodded and smiled before walking off without saying anything, usually leaving the crewmember pale and remorseful. It wasn't what Anderson would have done, but it seemed to work alright. Anyone who got 'Shepard's Death Smile' as the crew was beginning to call it, would quickly make up the slack. The funny thing was, Shepard hadn't done anything to make them feel afraid. She never punished poor performance.

"I don't get it either," Alenko had admitted to Anderson just the day prior. "Jenkins just said that no matter what, never end up in Shepard's Death Smile. He says it's like the death itself staring at every little thing that's wrong with you and saying, 'Well, you done fucked up son.'" Anderson had only laughed.

"Jenkins tends to exaggerate," Anderson said.

"I know, but…" Kaidan sighed. "Whatever Shepard is doing its working. I guess she's just got her own way of doing things." And Shepard did.

Anderson had spent a fair bit of time looking up more about Shepard and where she came from. She'd joined up in a recruiting office in Tokyo, Japan and spent a year in the bugle company before getting real combat training. Beyond that… Shepard wasn't a Japanese native, but no records existed that Anderson could access that could point him to any definite answer. Street rat? Run away? A picture of Shepard in the recruiting office had been taken from the building's security cameras. In it, Shepard was wearing a white blouse and khaki shorts with a large yellow bow in her hair. She looked awfully clean for a street rat.

The medical exam that every potential Alliance recruit went through had revealed a few surprising things about Shepard, though Anderson had closed the file before reading too much. He'd always considered those tests to be too invasive. Still, what he had read sort of solidified the mental image of Shepard wearing that apron. Anderson shook his head with amusement at himself.

Anderson knew he had a report to make about Shepard's progress so far and it would require him to be honest. Part of him was wary of it, though. If he was too honest and revealed some of his concerns about Shepard's performance than she might be reconsidered by Udina and Hackett. The thought alone made Anderson glare at his terminal screen. This project couldn't afford anymore setbacks.

Anderson supposed there was really only one more test Shepard had to go through before her position was finalized, and even then there would be doubts. She had to be able to work with aliens.

* * *

Even Nihlus had to admit that the humans could put on a good show when they wanted to. His arrival on Arcturus had gone surprisingly smoothly, what with him being a turian and a Council Spectre. It was a good sign, however. It seemed that humanity was taking this seriously, and if that was indeed the case, then they were on the right path. If it was higher status in the galaxy that they wanted, this was the best way to get it.

The second he was off of the platform, he was met by a tall human with brown tendrils on her head. Hair it was called, wasn't it? He was still a head taller than her, but she didn't seem at all intimidated by him.

"Commander Shepard," the human said, Nihlus' translator quickly making her language understandable to him. "It's a pleasure to have you here, Spectre Kryik. The _Normandy_ will benefit from your presence and input."

The lines were obviously rehearsed, but she at least sounded like she believed them. Yes, this was the human that had been put forward for the position… the replacement for that other one that had killed himself.

"Thank you for your hospitality," Nihlus said. She cocked her head at him. "I look forward to the coming months, that is, if everything goes as planned."

The words coming out of his mouth were also very rehearsed but at the very least he hoped things truly would go well. It was his opinion that humanity had a lot to offer the galactic community, but it would be a shame if they mucked it up because of petty racism. Still, it wasn't like he himself or the rest of his race weren't guilty of the same, even if they said they weren't.

"Captain Anderson is waiting for you on board the _Normandy_, you can speak with him there if you have any concerns later on," Shepard said. "For the meantime, myself and the _Normandy_'s security force will escort you."

"Excellent," Nihlus said. "Let me get my gear."

"We have people who will bring your things for you," Shepard said, raising her hand.

"I'd rather I handled my belongings, thank you," Nihlus said. "I'm sure that won't be a problem."

He could see the hesitation in her eyes even if her face was still locked in that odd smile. He wondered what she would choose. Push the issue or relent? To relent would be to possibly disobey direct orders after all but it would also show that she wasn't a mindless machine.

"Very well," she said finally. "You will have to explain this to Anderson, though."

"Of course. We'll be working a lot together, you and I."

"I am the executive officer after all."

* * *

_A/N: A slightly shorter chapter this time to finish off the prologue. The next chapter will actually start at the beginning of the game. If you haven't noticed already, I'm writing this under the impression that you all have beaten Mass Effect! Also I've found that I am more willing to write for longer periods of time while listening to the Clannad OST. So relaxing._


	3. Boots on the Ground

Shepard stood behind the helm with her entire body aching. It didn't matter how much time she put in working out, she'd been too busy the past few weeks to make any real progress and even if she had, two weeks wasn't enough. She'd had years to get the muscles mass needed to operate hard suits and carry rocket launchers into battle. Five years she'd been sitting in cockpits only exercising her eyes and brain and reflexes. Those alone weren't enough to make wearing an N7 grade hardsuit any easier. Her hydraulic joints would be on overtime until Shepard could get back in shape.

The past week had been a flurry of excitement as the _Normandy_ prepared for her maiden voyage. The champagne was thrown, and the cheers were made. Cargo was loaded and weapons and ammo were squared away. The _Normandy _had glistened as it finally rocketed out of Arcturus Station and found its place among the stars. She was a brand new ship with an experienced crew. Everyone was in high spirits for the first of many shake down runs. Of course, the turian on board wasn't making things easy.

Nihlus wasn't a trouble maker per say, but most of the crew labeled him as a nitpicker. Since his boarding, Nihlus had observed the crew and made his concerns known, often directly to the person in question rather than bringing things up with Anderson. More often than not Shepard would have to swoop in and calm the person down before they tore the Spectre to shreds, or at least attempted to. Nihlus always wore his armor as if he knew that at any moment the crew might turn on him. He had at least consented to leaving his weapons in a locker while he was out and about.

He stood beside Shepard now, looking over Joker's shoulder and watching as the pilot's practiced hands guided the Normandy into the Relay. Lieutenant Alenko sat nearby in the rarely used co-pilots station, using the dash board to monitor security systems while keeping in direct contact with Joker. Shepard barely listened as Joker announced his every move, keeping the officers around him aware of what he was doing. Instead, Shepard focused on the turian. Suddenly there was a flash of cerulean outside the cockpit and all of a sudden the Normandy was somewhere else entirely in the galaxy. They had cleared the Relay.

"… drift… just under 1500k."

"1500 is good," Nihlus said formally. "Your Captain will be pleased." Nihlus turned and walked away. As he did so, Joker muttered,

"I hate that guy." Once Nihlus was out of ear shot Kaidan said,

"Nihlus gave you a compliment… so you hate him?"

"Hey…" The two of them began to babble on about Spectres and Council funding as Shepard readjusted her armor for the umpteenth time. With it on she was as tall as Nihlus was and almost two heads taller than the tallest crew members on the Normandy. It was matte black carbon fiber with a red stripe down the right arm. She at least got to keep her helmet tucked under her arm, allowing her face to touch the cool air of the Normandy.

"They wouldn't send a Spectre on a shakedown run," Shepard said quietly. It had been something she'd been thinking the past few days but had refrained from saying out loud. Joker looked up at her.

"So there is more going on than the Captain is letting on," Joker said. Suddenly the dash board blinked.

"Joker."

"Captain? We've cleared the Relay and entered the Exodus Cluster."

"Excellent. Find us a comm buoy, and link us into the network. I want communications with Eden Prime ground control as soon as possible."

"Yes, Captain. And you'd better watch out, Nihlus is headed your way."

"He's already here, Lieutenant." Joker's face colored and he shook his head. Kaidan smiled into his lap. "Tell Shepard to meet me in the comm room for a briefing." The Captain closed the channel and Joker looked up at Shepard.

"You get that, Ma'am?"

"He sounds angry," Shepard sighed. "Something must have gone wrong with the mission."

"He always sounds like that when he's talking to me," Joker said as Shepard began to walk away.

"Can't possibly imagine why," Kaidan teased.

* * *

Shepard entered the circular comm room to find only Nihlus waiting for her. He stood with his back to the communication screen with mandibles fluttering. He had his arms crossed like he was trying to be nonchalant but it was a hard look to pull off as a turian in full heavy armor. Shepard cursed her past five years as a pilot! She'd have to ditch this heavy armor as soon as possible and get something lighter.

"Ah, Shepard, you're here," Nihlus said casually. "This will give us a chance to talk… err… one on one? Is that how it goes?"

"Where's the Captain?" Shepard asked.

"He'll be here shortly," Nihlus said. "About this colony we're going to. Eden Prime… I hear it's quite beautiful."

"It's said to be a paradise," Shepard agreed.

"Yes, serene, tranquil, safe," Nihlus said. "A symbol of your people, isn't it? Proof that the Alliance can not only settle colonies but also protect them. But how safe is it really?"

"What do you mean?" Shepard asked with her eyes slightly narrowed.

"Your people are new comers even still, Commander," Nihlus said simply. "Even ignorant in some ways. Is the Alliance truly ready for this?"

"I think we should tell the Commander what's really going on," Anderson said, entering the room with a swish of the doors. Shepard turned her head to him as he entered. He stood beside Nihlus and faced Shepard.

"This mission is far more than a simple shake down run," Nihlus said.

"I could have told you that," Shepard said, crossing her own arms. She fixated them both under a scrutinizing stare but neither one of them flinched like the rest of the crew.

"We're completing a covert-pick up on Eden Prime," Anderson said. "That's why we've had the stealth systems operational until now."

"Why wasn't I told, sir?" Shepard asked. "Wasn't I brought on for this reason?"

"This mission also isn't just some cooperation antic made up in some board room," Anderson said. "When we recruited you for this position, Shepard, it was coming right from the top. Nihlus is here to evaluate you for a Spectre position." Shepard didn't answer for a few seconds. Spectre? Her? No wonder they had Roy as their first choice, and why Aiko didn't make the cut. A human Spectre could be exactly what the Alliance needed to…

"This is for a spot on the Council, isn't it, sir?" Shepard asked. "Why would a turian want a human on the Spectres?"

"Not all of my people resent yours," Nihlus said._ Could have fooled me_, Shepard thought. "Some of us see the potential you have, the skill you could offer the Spectres."

"I won't lie to you any more, Commander," Anderson said. "A spot on the Council is exactly the end goal here." The human race had been trying to get a spot on the council ever since the First Contact War had ended. It was the ultimate goal. This was just a new means of vying for it.

"Wouldn't a Spectre position make me a Council operative?" Shepard asked. "I wouldn't be Alliance anymore."

"You would," Nihlus corrected. "But you'd answer to the Council first."

"That's a debate for another time," Anderson added, eyeing Nihlus with annoyance. "The point is, for now this is your assignment."

Shepard supposed she'd seen the signs even before now. Nihlus was always at her back, watching her and observing her whenever he wasn't nitpicking the crew. It had been creepy at first but she hadn't let him know that she knew. Now she wondered if he'd known anyway that she was aware of his watching.

For some reason Shepard couldn't help but feel reluctant. She'd always imagined herself as career military, not a Council Spectre. Spectres didn't have rules as far as she knew and that wasn't how Shepard liked to live her life. She liked rules, she liked consequences. She might not have been the best at enforcing the rules, but she wouldn't be able to operate without them. Or so she thought. Still… this was her mission. This was where the Alliance needed her. Therefore she had a job to do.

"An excavation team on Eden Prime unearthed some sort of beacon," Anderson explained. "We think its prothean and that's what we're going to pick up."

"Prothean, like the Mars Archives?" Shepard asked.

"Exactly," Nihlus said. "Their technology is the only reason we've been able to spread out across the galaxy as fast as we've had. From the Citadel to our ship drives, their influence is everywhere."

"Eden Prime doesn't have the facilities to analyze this beacon," Anderson said. "We're taking it back to the Citadel for proper study."

At least Shepard had that to look forward to. She'd been to each of the Council races home worlds except for Thessia and never once had been able to see the Citadel in person. The pictures were gorgeous though…

"Obviously this is bigger than humanity, Shepard," Nihlus said. "Every race could benefit from what this intact beacon holds within. This is very rare."

"Then we'd better get down there," Shepard said with a nod.

"Incoming transmission, Captain," Joker suddenly said over the loudspeaker. "You'd better get a look at this, Sir."

"On screen, Joker," Anderson ordered. The three of them gathered around the wide screen as the projector started in the floor. Shepard's brow furrowed as the sounds of war filled the room. On screen was a fierce battle with seemingly only one faction. A platoon of Alliance marines fired into a tree line void of any enemy, but still seemed to vomit bullets right back. Shepard recognized the purple streams coming out of the woods to be beam weaponry.

"We're under heavy fire from an unknown enemy!" One marine shouted into the camera. "We're in need of immediate evac from Ethan's Park in the suburbs of the main settlement! I repeat we need-" Suddenly the main's head jerked to the side as a beam of purple light melted his helmet. The camera didn't show it but Shepard knew that he would soon dissolve into plasma.

"Shit, Emery is dead!" Another marine shouted. The view shifted as the camera was lifted once more, though from an unknown person. A tall woman in white and pink armor stood up bravely in the barrage of enemy fire and let loose with everything she had, firing two pistols with one in each hand. She crouched low as the rest of her troops kept returning fire. She looked into the camera.

"Milo put that damn thing down!"

"Is it broadcasting?" A young voice, one of a girl.

"We're fucked either way if we don't keep moving!" The armored woman said. "Get down, kid!" The camera was suddenly chucked to the ground where it landed in a puddle of purple glowing plasma. Shepard glanced away, knowing that this was the remains of the marine who'd been shot in the head. The camera was still trained on the armored woman but now the camera operator was visible as well. A kid, possibly thirteen or fourteen, was crouched behind a boulder beside the armored woman. Her brown hair was a mess and her uniform was scorched. Shepard recognized the Alliance Academy's uniform immediately. This kid was a cadet from the best military school on Earth. Why is she on Eden Prime? Shepard thought.

"Alright, Marines, prepare to move out!" The armored woman cried over the onslaught. Suddenly the kid, Milo, pointed to something off camera.

"Look!" The armored woman looked to where the cadet was pointing.

"W-what the…?" The platoon leader was at a loss for words. Suddenly there was a loud noise, so loud it pierced Shepard's ears. It was a low, thundering sound that made Shepard shiver involuntarily. Then the screen went blank.

"The transmission ends just like that, Captain. Whatever is happening down there, it may be too much for the Colonial Marines to handle on their own."

"Bring us in, Joker!" Anderson ordered. "We're gonna give them the support they need."

* * *

When Shepard touched down on the surface of Eden Prime, she noticed two things: One, that the planet looked remarkably like Earth, and two, that her hardsuit was making _noise_. The hydraulic joints aiding Shepard's body in lifting the weight of the combat suit were whirring like an overheated computer fan. Shepard gritted her teeth beneath her helmet and rerouted as safe an amount of power as possible to the joints without sacrificing her shield energy. It barely helped.

"Order's ma'am?" Jenkins prompted, dropping into a low stance with his assault rifle at his shoulder. Shepard envied him and his light armor. Kaidan followed Jenkin's lead and lifted his weapon to his shoulder.

"Non-lethal take down shots only on organic targets," Shepard said, pushing the thoughts of her hard suit to the back of her mind. "Any security drones or VI defenses are to be hacked and prompted into sleep mode to avoid property damage, if that isn't an option, use lethal force on them."

"Yes, ma'am," Kaidan and Jenkins said in unison. Kaidan said, "I'll take point." Shepard walked past him and watched as the _Normandy_ slowly lifted away into the sky and disappeared into the clouds. She unclasped her particle rifle from her back and charged the heat pack.

"Negative, Lieutenant," Shepard said. "Jenkins will take the lead with you in the back for biotic support. I'll take the middle. Don't stop moving until we've hit the dig site. Keep on a look out for survivors."

"Yes, ma'am," both marines said once again.

"Move out," Shepard ordered.

Jenkins moved ahead, his armor colored drab green in multiple shades like camouflage. She knew that his hard suit had also been upgraded with hydraulic joints but not for supporting weight. With them, he could jump as high as the tree line and land easily as long as he did so on stable footing. Kaidan's had been upgraded with compression seals, allowing him to fight while in poisonous environments or even in vacuum. Shepard was pleased so far with her team's outfitting but found herself nervous about the lack of actual armor upgrades. None of them besides Shepard would be able to withstand more than one barrage of enemy fire. Anything more would kill them.

"Keep to cover the whole way down into the city," Shepard ordered as they moved. "Don't let whoever this is catch us off guard. We know they're equipped with beam weapons, I don't wanna have to send you home in a bucket!"

"A nice thought, ma'am," Alenko said behind her.

"I'm already home anyway," Jenkins said cockily.

"Stow that away," Shepard said softly. "Only the Commander gets to talk like that."

"Yes, ma'am."

The landscape was a wide field surrounded by trees on three sides and a cliff on the remaining one. The grass was brown and yellow with a few tufts of green here and there. Shepard could also see a river flowing to her right as they walked, with streams of purple mixed in the currents. The clouds overhead were puffy and stained orange in the evening sky.

"What the hell are those?" Kaidan exclaimed. Shepard turned her head and saw a disgusting looking creature that meandered about the trees on gangly legs. Its bulbous head expanded and retracted with each breath it took.

"Gas bags, they're harmless," Jenkins said as they passed the animal. "Smell pretty bad though."

As they neared the cliff, Shepard was able to look down into the main settlement. City streets in the distant glowed with the fires in the buildings. It was a warzone, no doubt, complete with tracer fire coming out of the skyscrapers. Shepard recognized the color of the shots, knowing that those were colonial marines in the city, defending it to the last breath. Shepard couldn't see what they were shooting at though.

A pathway down the cliffside presented itself to them as they neared the edge. It was narrow and craggy but it was certainly a fast way down. Only wide enough for one armored marine to move down sideways.

"I could get down this cliff in no time, ma'am," Jenkins said, referring to his hydraulic joints. Though his face was hidden behind a helmet, Shepard knew he was smiling. "I could scout out the trail for you both while you work your way down."

"Negative, marine," Shepard said, pushing his shoulder slightly with her armored hand. "I'm gonna take point here and act as a shield in case of enemy fire. Stay close but try not to bunch up too much. I'll try and make myself a juicy target in case we see any of the baddies."

"Ma'am-"

"Don't," Shepard cut him off. She stepped around him and planted her boots on the hiking path. She began to move down with Jenkins behind her and Alenko behind him. Shepard quickly regretted looking down. It was a long, long way down but this was the fasted way to reach the dig site. Down the path and through a patch of hilly wooden terrain.

"Keep an eye out," Kaidan advised. They moved down the path of red rock and sand, small clumps of dead grass growing out of the soil. The sounds of war could still be heard unending in the background, none of it sounding close by.

"Nihlus, status?" Shepard asked into her helmet.

"Haven't made contact with any enemy just yet, Shepard," Nihlus replied. "I can see you now though from my position. I advise you continue your route down but don't be afraid to take a leap of faith in that armor you're wearing."

"Something tells me if I do that my suit won't have the energy to pick itself back up," Shepard said. "I'll need to replace this armor."

"If all of this works out the way I hope it does, I'll buy you the armor myself," Nihlus said. Shepard didn't say anything more but was surprised at the words that came from the turian. Was he serious? Did he have that kind of money? Did Spectres even get paid well?

"I'd take him up on that offer," Jenkins said. "He probably knows quality kit when he sees it."

"My armor is quality as well," Shepard said. "But that doesn't mean it's easy on the body." Shepard knew she wouldn't be too worn out any time soon in her armor, but if it broke down suddenly then she would be forced to continue in her undersuit which offered about as much protection and dignity as a silk robe.

It was then that the first bullets hit her, and then that Shepard heard Jenkins fire his rifle right next to her helmet. The impact as the beams hit her was immense, almost knocking Shepard down. Her eyes quickly began to look for the source.

"Up there," Kaidan said, his body glowing blue as his barrier surrounded it entirely. "Ridge line, multiple synthetic enemies."

Shepard followed his description to a part of the cliff that jutted out from the rest of the terrain. Black synthetics that Shepard didn't recognize were standing on the cliff not even bothering with cover. Shepard raised her particle rifle to her shoulder and aimed through her scope. Her own orange beam shot out of her weapon with enough heat to melt solid steel. It cut cleanly through the chest of a synthetic making it squeal and double over. She held down the activation key as the line of energy sliced through the trees surrounding the synthetics like the sharpest of blades. Some of the dry underbrush caught flame much to Shepard's chagrin, but she was more concerned about keeping her men alive than saving the trees.

"Keep moving, Shepard," Nihlus suggested through their shared channel. "I'll take out as many as I can while you press forward." Shepard watched as a sniper shot of a large caliber erupted from another end of the cliff side, behind the marines. It connected with one of the geth and exploded into a ball of fire large enough to engulf the entire jutting out tree line.

"Shit," Jenkins whispered in awe.

"Forward, marines," Shepard ordered. More synthetics emerged from the flames overhead seemingly untouched. At least three from what Shepard could see. She activated her particle rifle and began to slice away at them as she simultaneously began to walk once more down the cliff. Beams of purple energy struck the cliff behind her. Suddenly Jenkins cried out in pain. Shepard turned her head just in time to watch him dissolve into a mass of purple plasma and flow down the cliff as a trickle.

"What the fuck?!" Kaidan exclaimed. Shepard could hear the growing panic in his voice. Shepard quickly used her eyes to navigate her suit's heads up display, now juggling three different activities at once. She replaced her suit diagnostics with Alenko's. As she accessed his suit's computer with her own, she saw that Jenkin's was grayed out. Shepard couldn't react right now. She couldn't mourn just yet for the man, no, kid, which she had only just met two weeks ago.

"Kaidan your heart rate is through the roof," Shepard said calmly as they continued to fight their way down. "I want you to clear your head as much as you can and just breathe. Ok? Listen to me voice… breathe… breathe…" His charts were all in the red. He wasn't listening to her.

"Kaidan there is nothing we can do for him now," Shepard said, her particle rifle slicing another synthetic in half. In the back of her mind she realized that none of them had bothered hacking the synthetics despite her orders. Well this was an unknown enemy anyway. These synthetics certainly weren't LOKI mechs. "Kaidan listen to my voice. We're still alive and we aren't going to die. Think of the colonists. We've got a job to do and I need you. I need you, Kaidan." She heard his breathing begin to calm down as the last of the synthetics disappeared into the brush, chased away by Nihlus's exploding bullets.

"I… I'm sorry, Shepard," Kaidan said as they finally reached the bottom of the cliff, no synthetics in sight. He lowered his rifle slightly. "I panicked…"

"You did what any other soldier does when he loses a friend," Shepard said. "Don't worry, Kaidan. I know you've got my back. I trust you. Now we need to keep moving."

"Y-Yes, Ma'am," Kaidan nodded.

"I'm moving ahead, Shepard," Nihlus said through the communication channel. "I'll be radio silent until I reach the dig site. I'll set up with my rifle there to provide over watch until you have secured it."

"See you there," Shepard nodded. She cut the channel. "Let's get moving, Kaidan. We need to figure out just what is going on here."


	4. The Chief and the Prodigy

It wasn't long before Shepard once more heard the nearby sounds of battle. The digsite was close now, only a hop and a skip away. Since making it to the bottom of the cliff, there had been no resistance from any of the synthetics. No snipers or smart-mines gave the two surviving marines any issue. Shepard had kept herself and Kaidan in cover for most of the past thirty minutes, leap frogging their way through the woods at the base of the cliff and keeping their eyes wide open.

"That sounds like a battle," Kaidan said. "Could someone be fighting back?"

"We'd better go and help them out," Shepard said. "Besides, they're right in our path anyway." Shepard took a chance by slipping out of cover and approaching the edge of the woods. The ground sloped down steeply into a rocky field with very tall dead grass. The sun was only just shining over the horizon now, in a few minutes it would be night time.

"Down," Shepard hissed, falling prone at the edge of the woods. Kaidan dove for the space beside her and trained his sights downward. Two figures suddenly ran around a set of massive rocks that cutoff line of sight across the field. One was very tall and the other was very short. Bullets tore up the ground around their feet, splashing bursts of plasma across the ground and making it steam and sizzle. Shepard looked through the sights of her particle rifle and recognized the girl and the armored woman from the evac transmission.

"A colonial marine and an academy cadet," Kaidan said quietly. "They're being chased."

"Fire on any clear targets that aren't organic," Shepard ordered.

The girl and the marine raced up the hill with gooey bits of plasma sticking to their boots and sizzling. Shepard could just see the approaching forms of the synthetics behind them. She didn't blink. She activated her particle beam, sending the stream of heat energy right between the two runners. They rolled away on either side, providing Kaidan a clear line of sight on the attackers behind them. Shepard cut one down while Kaidan managed to kill another and drive away a third.

"Damn, he got away," Kaidan muttered.

"Hands where I can see em'!" the armored woman suddenly roared, her pistol trained on Shepard's head. Shepard recognized the pistol as Alliance standard issue and knew right away that it would be a killing blow if the marine had armored piercing rounds. The threat alone was enough to make the hairs on the back of Shepard's neck stand on end.

"I'm Commander Shepard of the SSV_ Normandy_, executive officer to Captain David Anderson," Shepard said without standing. Kaidan remained silent. "We're here to help, marine."

"Ah, shit…" the woman cursed, lowering her pistol and moving her hands to her helmet. She popped the seal and lifted her helmet from her head. Dark brown hair that was nearly black spilled out and cascaded to her shoulders. She was a gruff looking woman that radiated strength. Her face was hard and unsmiling, not that Shepard expected differently considering the circumstances. Her chocolate brown eyes fixated Shepard with relief. "Sorry, Commander."

"I would have been disappointed if you hadn't pointed that gun at me," Shepard said, rising to one knee so that the woman could see her better. "You did the right thing." The woman nodded slightly.

"I'm Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams with the 212th Colonial Marines." She turned her head and said, "Milo get out here." The kid from before emerged from her hiding place behind a rock. Her shoulder length brown hair was still a mess like in the transmission and her dark brown eyes were narrowed. Maybe fourteen or thirteen years old as far as Shepard could tell. She was` an angry looking girl that had a deeply set frown on her face. Her intelligent eyes were dark but also seemed to spark with pain.

"This is Milo Gallahan," Ashley introduced. "She and a group of cadets from her class back in Vancouver came here on a field trip to study group tactics and get a feel for colony life."

"She got a lot more than she bargained for," Kaidan observed.

"Not really," Milo said quietly, her voice rough and emotionless. "My classmates did though."

"Killed, ma'am," Ashley said regretfully.

"These synthetics killed children?" Shepard asked, her voice giving away her anger.

"They don't seem to care what is in their sights," Milo said. "If it's organic, it's prey."

"We think they're geth, ma'am," Ashley confessed.

"Geth?" Kaidan asked. "The geth haven't been seen outside the veil in nearly two hundred years. Why have they returned now?" He and Shepard shared a glance.

"Where's the rest of your unit, Williams?" Shepard asked.

"Wiped out," Ashley answered. She paused and glanced down. "We didn't see them coming, ma'am. Nothing I could have done." She seemed to be trying to convince herself rather than her, Shepard thought.

"Chief Williams saved my life," Milo said, her sharp eyes focusing on the woman in white. "More than once." She had spoken quickly to defend Williams.

"Maybe it would be best if you two came with us," Shepard said. "We could use the help."

"Yes, ma'am," Ashley said. Her face darkened. "It's time for some payback. But what are you doing here, ma'am? It's too early for a reaction party."

"We're here for the prothean beacon at the dig site," Kaidan said. "It's imperative that we find it."

"The beacon?" Ashley asked. She glanced at Milo. "Do you think-?"

"The geth came here only a few days after the beacon was discovered," Milo nodded. "No coincidence." Shepard was surprised at the girl's insight. Maybe she was older than she appeared? Then again, the only kids that got into the Academy were either very rich or very smart.

"You think the geth arrival is somehow connected to the beacon?" Shepard asked, looking at the girl, who nodded in response. "Then it's even more important that we find it."

"The dig site is back the way we came," Ashley said. "I can show you the way there."

"Thanks, Ashley," Shepard said. "We'll follow your lead for now."

"Yes, ma'am," Ashley said. She paused. "What about the cadet?" Shepard looked at the girl who sighed.

"Don't refer to me by title, Williams," Milo said. "Not after what's happened today."

"I'm not putting a child into harm's way," Shepard said. Milo fixated her in an icy stare that rivaled Shepard's own.

"I'm no mere child, _Commander_," Milo said sharply. "I've been trained for situations like these."

"That didn't help your classmates much, did it?" Kaidan said sternly. "This isn't a simulation. This is war." Milo looked at Ashley and shook her head when she didn't get any support.

"I am fully qualified to handle the M7 Lancer assault rifle, the M-6 Predator Pistol," Milo began to list off as if reciting a song, "and can survive up to a week with only a combat knife. I am qualified in basic and medium level operational command and have never scored anything below an 'A' on written and physical tests." She sniffed and closed her eyes. "I am also a black belt in Judo, qualified to teach."

"That doesn't-" Kaidan began.

"If you want to limit yourself to three shooters instead of four, go ahead," Milo said, opening her eyes looking at Shepard, ignoring the Lieutenant. "You're the commanding officer after all."

"She's got some lip to her, ma'am," Ashley said with a sigh. "Please, just don't mind her. She's had a rough day."

"You both have," Shepard agreed. "Milo, I can't let you fight in this battle. My morals won't allow it. But if you were to watch our backs, I would be appreciative of the extra eyes. You seem smart, so I'll trust you." She didn't wait for the kid to answer. Shepard hoped just exposing her back to the kid while standing in the open would be enough to convince her. Ashley and Kaidan both took position behind Shepard. Shepard heard Milo sigh once more and follow them at the back.

Ashley replaced her helmet and said, "Could you two open your suit systems to me?" Shepard quickly did so and was pleased to see Ashley's vitals show up on her heads up display.

"Excellent," Shepard said. "Milo, stick close to us and use us as shields."

"Yes," Milo said simply. Shepard could already tell that she would be worrying about the kid for the rest of the mission. Milo's blood wasn't what she wanted on her hands. What must her parents have been thinking? Information traveled so fast now there was no doubt that everyone in the Alliance already know about Eden Prime.

"Tell us more about this attack, Williams," Shepard said.

"They firebombed the barracks first," Williams said. "Very early this morning. All communications were cut off for most of the day due to an EMP. We sent a transmission this afternoon as soon as we got our equipment working. For most of the day we were fighting with half working hard suits and iron sights."

"No warning at all?" Kaidan asked. "With defenses like Eden Prime's?"

"We were caught with our pants down," Ashley admitted. "But the fight isn't over yet. The last I heard, most of the 212th in the city were holding. Honestly I think the enemy forces aren't as great as we thought, at least in number. But they're fighting with tech that we don't have."

"Like?"

"Advanced cloaks, beam weapons, and electromagnetic pulses that can wipe out a planet's electronics," Ashley said. "And they've been trying to…" Shepard looked at her. "This is it."

"What do you mean?"

"This is where the beacon was," Ashley said her voice angry. Shepard looked around. The dirt was dug up and piled high in four stacks. A massive hole was dug away just a few feet forward. It was as deep as a Mako was long and just as wide. Shepard stepped forward and looked down. It was dark down there, but at the bottom was a floor that looked like concrete stained yellow. "It was right here, someone must have moved it."

"Who, our side or the geth?" Kaidan asked.

"Your guess is as good a mine," Ashley sighed.

"It was the geth," Milo said. Shepard looked over at her.

"How do you know?"

"Because humans don't have only three toes," Milo said, looking down. Shepard looked to where she pointed. Shepard's face heated up in embarrassment. She should have seen that. She'd been trained to see that. Ugh. This was why they picked Roy. Shepard had been awful at tracking. Sunk into the dirt were multiple prints made by something other than human. To any person walking by they might have appeared as random depressions in the ground but to a trained eye, they were obviously not.

"Good thing we have you watching our backs," Shepard praised.

"Sure thing, N7," Milo said. Shepard chuckled ruefully to herself inside her helmet. The kid was doing this on purpose. Milo didn't strike her as a brat but the Commander suspected she was an ice queen before coming to Eden Prime. Maybe Milo took being treated as a kid as an insult to her intelligence. Despite her petulance, Shepard decided that she liked the kid. And she had already gone through a lot today, enough to break an average child. That didn't change her mind though.

"She's pretty smart," Ashley relented. Milo looked at her and Ashley smiled back through her helmet. "_Still_ a kid though." Milo didn't respond, but instead looked at her feet.

"Let's follow these tracks as far as they go and liberate that beacon from enemy hands," Shepard said. "I don't know why the geth want the beacon, but we're going to find out."

* * *

The four of them once again met little resistance for the next several minutes. They passed villages of science prefabs and multiple puddles of plasma and charred corpses. They moved quickly in search of the beacon, following the tracks closely. Shepard also found something rather odd strewn about the encampments. Tall metal spires like needles sticking out of large posts in the ground. Ashley and Milo attested that they hadn't been there before but none of them had any idea what they were for. They chose to ignore them for now but marked their various and seemingly random locations on their mini-maps.

Suddenly, Shepard heard a single shot fire in the distance. The team crouched and trained their weapons in the direction of the sound. They waited for several heart pounding moments, sweat pouring down their faces. Milo was the first to stick her head up, the damn kid seemingly caring little for her safety. Shepard shook her head slightly and moved forward.

"That didn't sound like a beam rifle," Kaidan said softly. "Something a bit more conventional."

"And big," Milo added. "Something high caliber by the sound."

"Could be a sniper," Ashley suggested. Shepard shook her head.

"I don't think so," Shepard said quietly. "What modern sniper nowadays has a weapon that isn't silent?"

"I agree," Milo said quietly, the girl moving to crouch beside Shepard. "We should get a better look." Shepard looked at her. Their eyes locked.

"Keep those eyes of yours peeled," Shepard said with a smile and moved forward quickly while staying low at the same time. They emerged at the top of a slope, much higher than their previous position. It ran all the way down to a wide concrete platform, raised a foot higher from the rest of the ground. The way down was littered with rocks and charred tree stumps. A few craters existed as well, deep enough for a person in light armor to hide without much issue. Or take cover. Warfare in the distance echoed loudly, as if a battle was raging a few fields over somewhere. Eden Prime's moon was rising now and the stars were beginning to shine, casting the landscape in a pale glow. Shepard saw various geth standing on a railway platform below, the lights in their heads casting yellow light. Shepard just managed to glimpse a train car pulling away from the station, its occupants silhouetted inside. It rocketed away down the line and out of sight, disappearing around a bend.

"That's a lot of them down there," Ashley observed.

"Fifteen," Milo said. "Beam rifles by the looks, no sign of that mystery gun."

"I'm still sure it isn't a sniper," Shepard said. "These geth are too advanced to be careless when it comes to sniping. Perhaps the gunman was on that train?"

"Perhaps the beacon was on that train?" Kaidan suggested. Shepard nodded.

"That's possible," Shepard said. "We'll need to attack then." Shepard lay prone on top of the slope and raised her particle rifle to her shoulder. Her 4x sight was enough to get her a good look at each geth. She confirmed Milo's observations and announced,

"I'm going to be the most accurate shot at this range. The particle rifle isn't bogged down by gravity or wind speed. Therefore I'll be providing covering fire. Kaidan and Ashley, you two will move down the slope to the platform, sticking to cover whenever possible. Don't stop moving, though. Duck and roll, get my meaning?"

"Aye," They both said.

"Milo is going to sit up here with me and act as spotter," Shepard said. "She'll keep me accurate and up to date in case any more assholes show up."

"Okay," Milo said. She lay down beside Shepard on her stomach.

"I know we're exhausted," Shepard said. "But we've got a job to do. Attack as soon as you both are ready and we'll act accordingly." Kaidan readied his rifle and Ashley swapped to her secondary shotgun. She rolled her shoulders.

"Let's go," Ashley said solemnly.

* * *

Ashley and Kaidan were moving down the hill at break neck speed, zig-zagging behind and around cover. The geth noticed them too late. Ashley and Kaidan had move in close enough to be effective with their weapons and had found cover behind two rocks. Shepard went to work firing her laser, slicing off limbs and heads shaped like flashlights.

"One o'clock," Milo said, prompting Shepard to fry the geth as requested. "Eleven o'clock… twelve o'clock…" Shepard saw at of the corner of her eye that Ashley's cover was being deteriorated by the sheer amount of plasma being fired at it. Ashley burst from the melting cover, fired in her attacker's general direction, and hurled herself behind a high stack of industrial crates. The surprise attack worked better than Shepard expected. They mowed the geth down before they could reach cover or charge their cloaks.

"Good work," Shepard said.

"I told you I could help," Milo said.

"I never said you were helpless," Shepard said. "Just young."

"Commander," Kaidan said, his voice coming in over their helmet link. "You need to get down here right away, ma'am. It's Nihlus. They got him."


	5. Breaking Rank

Shepard knelt beside the fallen Spectre, resting her rifle on its stock next to her. From the neck down he looked like he was sleeping peacefully, but up from there… there wasn't much left. The bullet that had killed him had completely obliterated his head, leaving a pulpy mess of blood and brain matter. Shepard lowered her head. She hadn't known him well, or particularly cared for him, but at least there was most of a body to sit silently over for a few moments.

"Did you know it?" Ashley asked quietly.

"Him," Kaidan corrected. "For a week or so. He's… was a council Spectre."

"Why was he tagging along with you?" Milo asked, lowering onto her haunches beside the body. She rested a hand on his chest, running her fingers across the contours of his armor plating. Her eyes studied him intently, searching for something else.

"Commander?" Kaidan asked.

"Go ahead and tell her," Shepard said. "We're in this together now."

"He was here to oversee that a certain council investment was being put to good use and being used in a way that they deemed adequate," Kaidan said.

Shepard closed her eyes. She'd forgotten that Kaidan didn't know of Nihlus's true purpose for being on the _Normandy_. Well, perhaps that was the best. The Council would hear of what had happened here… and humanity's hope for a Spectre and a council seat might once again slip out of their reach.

"Okay…" Ashley shrugged.

"What was their investment in?" Milo asked, still looking over the body of Nihlus. "A ship? A weapons system?"

"A ship," Kaidan answered. "You'll see her when we finish the mission."

"Am I riding with you then?" Milo asked, slipping her hands beneath the body.

"Have you ever been debriefed before, Gallahan?" Ashley asked.

"No, but today is a day of firsts for me," Milo admitted. Her eyes flashed and she retracted her arms, sliding her hands into her pockets with a sigh. "First time off Earth, first time on a colony world, first time being shot at by live ammunition… first time seeing a real dead body."

"Did you find anything?" Shepard asked, noticing that Milo was no longer touching Nihlus.

"His weapons are still there," Milo said. "You probably can't use them, though. He probably has-"

"DNA locks," Shepard finished with a nod. "Good work." _This kid is wicked smart_, Shepard thought. _A hell of a lot smarter than I was when I was her age. They teach them well at the Academy, I guess._

"His omni-tool is probably locked up tighter than Fort Knox," Kaidan observed. "Whoever killed him wasn't geth though, otherwise he would be melted down right? Then who did it?"

"We haven't encountered anybody other than the Geth," Ashley said, shaking her head. "Unless Milo saw something?"

"Nope," Milo said, standing and straightening her uniform. Shepard wondered why she bothered, it was covered in scorch marks and dirt. All of a sudden, there was a crash to their left. Shepard whipped around and steadied her rifle at a high stack of crates just in time to see a figure scurry behind it.

"Out," Shepard snapped. "Come out here right now where we can see you, or things are gonna get ugly."

"Shit!" A man looking to be in his mid-thirties poked his head around the corner, his face pale as snow. "D-don't shoot me, I'm human!" Shepard shook her head in exasperation but kept her rifle trained on the potential threat.

"Hiding like that almost got you killed," Ashley barked.

"I-I'm sorry, I've been here all day since the attack started," the man stated nervously. "I'm Reggie, one of the dockworkers here."

"Did you see what happened here, Reggie?" Kaidan asked seriously.

"W-what do you mean?" Reggie asked. "The alien?" Shepard nodded. "Y-yeah I saw what happened to him. I couldn't tell what they were saying, it wasn't Basic. I guess whatever language it is that they normally speak."

"So it was another turian?" Ashley deduced.

"Y-yeah," Reggie nodded. "It was another turian. Big guy, too. Even by their standards. He was grey skinned and his arms were covered in this… piping, I guess? Implants probably."

"They spoke to each other?" Shepard asked. "Did they mention any names?"

"Well the dead guy there seemed to recognize him alright," Reggie admitted. He scratched at his neck beard nervously, his eyes darting back and forth as if he was on the lookout for more geth. "I think he called him Sam."

"Sam?"

"Wait, no," Reggie said rapidly. "Uh, not Sam. It was, uh…. God, I think… maybe…? Eh… Saren! Saren was his name!"

"Saren?" Kaidan asked doubtfully. "I don't recognize the name, Commander."

"Nihlus did," Shepard reminded him. "How did Saren kill Nihlus?"

"The dead guy let his guard down, turned his back to Saren," Reggie recounted. "Then Saren just shot him in the back of the head, just like that. I never thought I would feel bad for an alien before today, but what a way to go. They knew each other, dammit."

"This has been a big help, Reggie," Shepard said. "But how didn't anybody see you?"

"I was here before the attack started," Reggie admitted sheepishly. He rubbed the back of his neck. "I usually come by here to catch a few winks during the day."

"You survived because you were napping?" Ashley asked, eyes flashing.

"It worked out for him," Milo muttered.

"Thank you, Reggie," Shepard said. "When we've completed our mission, we'll send someone to come by and pick you up. Until then, don't leave the area."

"You got it," Reggie said earnestly, already stooping behind the crates to remain out of sight. "I'm not going anywhere."

"We should get moving," Shepard sighed. She backed away and checked the power cells of her particle rifle. She figured she could last another hour before they were depleted, and she would be forced to swap back to a weapon that still used the old thermal clips. Shepard had always preferred directed energy weapons over standard firearms. Something about a particle rifle just required a bit more finesse. "We'll take the remaining train car and pursue, then call in extraction. If we don't meet heavy resistance, we may be able to come back for Nihlus' body.

"Yes, ma'am," Kaidan said with a nod. "I'm sick of this place already."

* * *

The four of them boarded the second train car, and Kaidan went to work accessing the controls. Milo found a seat at the back of the train and took it, staring morosely at her shoes. Shepard looked over at her and wondered what could be going on in her teammate's heads. Kaidan seemed to have gotten over being shaken up after Jenkin's death, and Milo seemed oddly calm despite the loss of her classmates. Ashley remained unreadable both in her tone and her face, which she had once again revealed to the night air. She was covered in sweat after plowing down the hill a few minutes ago in a full heavy class hardsuit. She was also taking things rather well, though her emotionless expression made Shepard worry a bit.

What was she thinking? She was really worried. Worried about the mission, her team, and sending a condolence letter to Jenkin's parents, if they were alive after this attack. She was worried about what kind of flak that Alliance, and therefore humanity, would get once the Council found out one of their top agents had been killed. It was so easy for her to put on a farce and tell her troops what to do. How to stay alive and fight. But her head was a torrent of emotions and exhaustion. Her hardsuit was bearing down on her and slowly the feelings of guilt revolving around Jenkin's death was creeping up on her. The quiet was getting to her, the lull in the battle was making her think too much.

"I think I… got it," Kaidan said with a sigh of relief. The train lurched forward and began to run along the track, slowly increasing speed. Out the windows of the train car, Shepard could see trees flying past and the distant fires created by war still burning. Entire farmlands caught in a deadly blaze created by two factions, one invading the other defending.

"They usually use these train cars to transport supplies to other parts of the settlement," Ashley said. "I reckon we've maybe ten minutes before we get to the next stop. I suggest calling in your extraction when we arrive, Commander, if the beacon and the geth are already gone. I've seen their ships, they might get the beacon off world by the time we arrive."

"We don't know that just yet," Shepard said. "But you have a point. This mission is already far, far out of hand."

"I agree," Kaidan said, turning around and taking off his helmet. His usually suave hair was a sweaty mess now, his face flustered and pink. He sighed and rubbed his face with a gloved hand. "There is no point risking our lives giving pursuit if they keep sending entire platoons to kill us."

"We've done alright so far," Shepard said with smile, taking off her helmet. The air kissed her skin and it felt wondrous. It was a warm night but the air rushing in through the open windows was like heaven. The train car was large as well, leaving room for even three marines in full hardsuit's to stand comfortably in their own space.

"That's because you've got a weapon that isn't obsolete compared to theirs," Ashley said. "Beam weapons are fucking expensive and they're packing one each. And it helps that you are an N7, ma'am. I've never seen any marine before that can maintain that kind of accuracy with the movement penalties of a heavy suit of armor. And what's more, you've been fighting since you landed here, what, two hours ago?"

"Just because I'm N7 doesn't make me any different than you, Ash," Shepard said. "We could use you on the _Normandy_."

"You think Anderson would go for that?" Kaidan asked. "The Gunnery Chief _has_ been holding her own despite the circumstances."

"If it gets me off this planet and killing those bastards, then I'm all for it," Ashley said.

Shepard nodded slowly and knew she would broach the subject to Anderson when they got back aboard the _Normandy_. Not only was Ashley Williams talented, the last thing Shepard wanted to see was for the woman to be shoehorned into some other outfit on some other colony as a replacement. At least on the _Normandy_ she would be at her full potential.

"Take a breather for now," Shepard said. "Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Keep your eyes open though."

Ashley and Kaidan nodded and slowly began to lower themselves into seats. It was a difficult endeavor in their hardsuit's. Sitting on leather seats in armor could easily lead to soldiers slipping right off and crashing to the floor on their butts. Shepard slowly made her way to the back of the train and knelt beside Milo.

"Are you okay?" Shepard asked. She winced. "I mean, how does your body feel? Any wounds I should worry about?"

"I'm fine," Milo said quietly. "Don't worry about me."

"I do worry, though," Shepard said. "I know you are trying to be strong and keep a clear head, and I respect that. But that doesn't mean you can't talk to me. We're a team now." Shepard offered her gloved hand to Milo and nodded. Milo glanced at it and shook her head.

"No we're not," Milo said. "My classmates were my team. They have been since I was eight. Now they're all dead and when I get back to the Academy in Vancouver, they'll put me in with a bunch of strangers. I don't know you any better than I will those people. When we get back on board your ship, odds are I'll never see you again." Shepard wasn't sure what to say. She dropped her hand and let it hang limp and sighed.

"Let me share something with you," Shepard said. She didn't bother to sit on a seat. She took a seat on the floor and leaned her back against the seat next to Milo's. She crossed her arms in front of her. _Why share this? _Shepard thought._ Why tell this kid something depressing? Because I want to help her in some way, and this is all I can think of._ "I know what you are going through. I do, probably better than anyone. I lost everyone I knew on this little dust ball of a planet called Akuze. Before that day, I had never shot my rifle in anger. After that day, I still hadn't. I'd shot it in fear with most of my legs missing and my hair burnt off." She looked over and saw that Milo was looking at her. Her eyes searched Shepard's face. "After the Alliance heard what I did, how I survived, I got a medal and a chance to enter N-School. I'd proven I could cut it even when you've gotten everything kicked out of you."

"I'm telling you this because despite all the pain your feeling now," Shepard continued, "you are going to be fine. Okay? You. Will. Be. Fine. And you can take my word for it."

Milo turned her head away, her face revealing her discomfort. Shepard masked her surprise. In the brief time she'd known Milo, she never figured her for a kid that got uncomfortable with anything.

"Thanks, I think," Milo said. Her tone was dark. "I… Can you just leave me alone, please?" The way her voice cracked when she said 'please' made Shepard's face burn. She nodded quietly and started working to stand up. Almost immediately the weight of her suit made Shepard groan. She managed, but only barely, leaving her muscles aching and her head throbbing.

Shepard suddenly regretted saying anything to the kid. She should have left her to her own devices. Seeing a kid so emotionally detached from her situation, though… it had made Shepard compelled to say something. Anything if it meant helping someone out. She could just add it to the list of mistakes she'd made this mission. Shepard began to list them off in her head.

_I didn't request the use of a lighter combat suit before the mission started, and rather stayed silent despite the dangers that could happen as a result. I let Nihlus go off on his own in a human colony under attack by an unknown threat. I moved my combat team down the first narrow path I found instead of looking for alternate and potentially safer routes. I didn't make sure that Jenkins was standing behind me when we came under attack, despite my promises to act as a shield. I allowed a kid to tag along with a combat team of marines through a warzone who already had a mission objective far too important. I didn't see the tracks in the dirt._

Shepard gritted her teeth and slipped her helmet on to hide her frustration from her teammates. This was why Roy Chamberlin had been the first pick. This was why despite all of her problems, Aiko had been second choice before her. This was why Shepard had been the third choice. Because despite Shepard's accolades, she'd gone _soft_. Not once did it occur to the woman that matters might have been out of her control from the start. Shepard wanted to tear her hair out in frustration. She had to do better.

* * *

When the train car caught up with the other, Shepard saw something that she knew would forever imprint itself into her brain. As the train sped along the track, the station in sight, Shepard saw what had to be the shadow of Hades himself. A black ship larger than all of the Alliance's dreadnaughts combined, sat vigil on five legs as wide and tall as skyscrapers. It seemed to stretch on forever in height, red lights flickering around it like a smog. It suddenly emitted an earthshattering noise, the exact same from the transmission earlier.

"That sound!" Ashley yelled, slipping her helmet on. "It's the same one from earlier. Holy hell, the ship looked a lot smaller from far away. We thought it was a troop carrier or something at a distance, but now it looks like a small mountain!"

What frightened Shepard even more was that as they approached the train began to shake as if it were riding through an earthquake. The ship thundered again before slowly rising up off of the ground as effortlessly as a bird. Nothing seemed to propel it, it simply flew upwards vertically. The cephalopod shaped ship roared away on nothing but air, disappearing into the night sky because of its dark, sickening color. The sounds it made as it departed made Shepard's teeth rattle and her doubts triple. She didn't know why, but the sound alone made her feel dread. Like she had no chance in the world and she was as insignificant as a bug.

As the train pulled into the station, it came under heavy fire from the left side. The attackers were easy to spot because of their headlights. Shepard waved her troop forward, making sure Milo was with them, and led them all out of the car and behind a high stack of supply crates. As they moved, the lights of the station came on showering them in glowing white light. Shepard tinted her helmet visor with a blink and grabbed Milo's shoulders. She pushed her against the crates and kept her out of harm's way until the poor girl's eyes adjusted to the bright onslaught.

"Commander?" Ashley asked through their helmet link, muffling the battle sounds outside. "It looks like these guys are packing ordinance."

Shepard looked where Ashley indicated and saw a massive fucking bomb incased in a white shell. She'd seen bombs like these before and knew exactly what they were capable of.

"Okay this got a lot more interesting," Shepard said. "Kaidan, Ashley, we're dealing with nuclear bombs big enough to wipe out this colony maybe ten times over. I only see one but with the tech these synthetics are packing I wouldn't be surprised if they've got more. We've got the disable those bombs. No time for back up."

"Shit," they both said in unison.

Ashley shook her head and asked, "What should we do?"

"I can disable them," Shepard said, "Luckily, I remember being pretty good at EOD, but I'm rusty. I'll need you two to keep them off my back as best as possible. As soon as you see an opening you advance to better cover. This is our mission now. We've got to save this colony or else everyone is going to die."

"High stakes?" Kaidan asked. "Oh man."

"We'll do our best, ma'am," Ashley said. She started returning fire across the tracks at the geth. She didn't hit any of them, but her bullets did send them into cover. Shepard looked down at Milo who still stood pushed against the crates. She was watching Shepard intently.

"You stay put for this one, Milo," Shepard said. "That's an order."

"Sure," Milo said sarcastically with a nod. "I'll just watch as you risk your lives."

"Perfect," Shepard said seriously. "Ash, tell me when I'm good."

"Now," Ashley responded immediately.

Shepard readied her rifle and ran out from behind the crates, bolting up a ramp. The station was comprised of two walkways connected by a slightly narrower one running horizontally over the tracks. Supply crates were stacked high in several places, allowing both sides plenty of cover. Shepard ducked and weaved over to the bomb and knelt at its side, relieved that it was concealed to the enemy's line of sight. Ashley's barrage had forced them away.

Shepard took several deep breaths and linked her hardsuit's VI construct to the bomb's interface. The screen on the bomb's side was suddenly projected slightly larger on Shepard's visor. She got to work right away. Behind her, Ashley and Kaidan were running and gunning up the ramp, keeping the enemy pinned until they were in better cover. They started a heated firefight from either end of the walkway. Kaidan suddenly let loose a blast of blue energy from his fingers tips, eroding a geth soldier's armor and making it scream a digitized cry. It was a risk for him to use his biotics as he would need to recharge, but the situation was too important.

"I've spotted two more bombs," Kaidan said loudly in Shepard's helmet. "_Behind_ the enemy."

"Keep them occupied," Shepard said, still focusing heavily on the task at hand. Her hands moved like they had minds of their own, reaching into the depths of the bomb and rewiring components and using her VI to hack the controls. It took two minutes to defuse the bomb, two heart pounding and sweaty minutes. And that was only the first bomb. What was worse, the bomb Shepard had just defused had been on a timer set for three minutes, not enough time for even the synthetics to make a run for it. They'd set the bombs without any concern for themselves. Shepard found that a little strange. Even the most basic of VI constructs felt the need for self-preservation, surely.

"I'm ready to move to the next bomb," Shepard announced, slipping into cover behind her comrades.

"They're dug in tight, ma'am," Ashley said.

Shepard peeked around the crate she took cover behind and saw a group of geth with at least platoon strength. They were well concealed behind several shipping crates. Kaidan had done a good job lifting crates out of the way with his biotics, but the work was taking a heavy toll on him. With every crate he tossed away, the more ragged his breathing sounded in his helmet. Though not once did he complain, on the contrary-

"I'm good, Commander," Kaidan said. "Just let me get a few more and you can make a run for it!"

"We haven't got that kind of time," Shepard said. She popped out of cover and laser beamed a geth right through its neck, severing its head from its body. A half dozen geth immediately trained fire on her from concealed positions, forcing the N7 back into cover. Beams struck her shields as she moved, making her heads up display flash red. "Assholes! Okay, we need a new tactic."

"Agreed," Ashley said. "How about-?" Suddenly there was a blur to Shepard's right. Shepard just managed to look in time to see Milo sprint across the geth's field of view, her arm stretched over her head. The kid brought her hand down in an arc, sending a dark object flying in the synthetic's general direction. Shepard's eyes widened.

"Get down!" Shepard shouted loudly as Milo slid into cover beside her. She grabbed the kid and yanked her behind the shipping crates, using her own body to cover her entirely. Kaidan and Ashley barely made it behind their respective crates before a red blast of heat obliterated every synthetic on the far side of the station. A firestorm erupted around them, cooking the metal invaders until they melted down into squealing husks. The storm lasted nearly twenty seconds, charring everything black in its radius.

Shepard didn't even bother with Milo when the storm ended. She left her behind the crates and ran forward to the bombs which had been inside the blast of the incendiary grenade. The bombs were also charred black now, but at the very least there was nothing to defend them. Shepard knew that nothing with the desire to kill her had survived the blast. She quickly set to work disarming the remaining two bombs. She silenced her helmet link with her comrades, allowing her complete silence while she worked. Her hands wiped away the soot from the screen and danced across the interface.

A nuclear bomb, while being extremely dangerous, couldn't explode without a trigger. It had to be set off manually using the controls on the screen, a primer of some kind, or an electric signal from a remote or some other device. Events such as nearby explosions or wreckage would have an almost nil chance of setting off the explosion. For that, Milo was lucky. Shepard supposed that the girl had known that before ignoring orders and throwing her grenade. As she worked, Shepard deduced that the kid had gotten the grenade off of Nihlus's body and examined it after asking Shepard to leave her alone on the train ride.

By the time Shepard finished with her work, she had to take her helmet off. The sweat was coming off of her in sheets now and she needed to feel the night air. It smelled acrid after the explosion and the fire fight, but at least it felt cooler outside than in her suit. Kneeling, Shepard waved a hand over the charred floor of the station. She could see and even feel the heat waves. Shepard stood.

Kaidan and Ashley had Milo stood against a wall and had her fixated under fierce glares. Milo stared off into the distance, well past her two guards. She wasn't feigning disinterest, but rather focusing on something else. She had something on her mind, that much Shepard could tell.

"She got the grenade off of-"

"Nihlus's body," Shepard finished, cutting Ashley off. "I figured. You have any idea how dangerous that was?"

"No more than it was for you to fight them head on," Milo said, turning her gaze to the commander.

"Actually it was more," Shepard said, her face serious. She walked up to Milo and did something she never expected she would do: she smacked the kid on the back of the head. It was enough to make the kid hiss in pain. Shepard said, "One shot from one of those geth and we would be scraping you off the floor as a pulpy mess." The kid glared at Shepard, her expression poisonous. Shepard ignored it. She couldn't hold her anger in any longer. Her exhaustion, her doubts, her emotions… everything seemed to bubble up at once.

"I knew-"

"Shut up," Shepard said. "I'm sick of your lip, kid. So many things could have gone wrong just there, I can't even count them!"

"You disarmed the bombs in time didn't you?" Milo countered angrily. "I killed all of those geth for you."

"Using a weapon that you had no experience with," Shepard snapped. "That grenade could have had ten times the radius and firepower than it did. It could have killed every one of us. It could have had a timer shorter than you expected. You could have set it off prematurely. You didn't have armor, you ran out into the open without any protection. You could have been shot, you could have tripped. You could have dropped the grenade!"

"I didn't!"

"The risks were too great," Shepard said. "The entire point of working as a team is acting in coordination of each other. You were ordered to remain where you were. We all expected that that would be where you would be during the battle. We might have been in a tough spot, but we weren't losing."

"Are you sure about that?" Milo asked venomously. Shepard smacked her again, this time across the cheek. Shepard didn't even think to stop, her mind was racing and her heart was pounding. The kid clutched her cheek. Her eyes seemed to gleam as the pain made them tear up. Shepard heard a sharp gasp from Kaidan's direction. That was the first time Shepard had ever truly punished someone for acting out of turn.

Shepard's mind quickly began to make up excuses. She was justified. The kid had acted out of turn. Shepard had been worried about her team that was all. It was the heat of the moment. Shepard took a deep breath. There was no going back now.

"What you need is a time to cool off," Shepard said. "We've all had a rough day, we're all exhausted. But that doesn't change that fact that the chain of command is there for a reason. I encourage free thinking. I do not encourage needlessly risking lives to make the mission end a little quicker."

"Agreed," Ashley said, her voice unwavering. Kaidan simply nodded. Shepard sighed heavily. She wasn't sure what to say next. Did she really have to? Her words had sunk in, if Milo's downcast expression was anything to go by. Shepard knew she was right and Milo had risked their lives, and to some extent the colonists lives, just to kill the defending geth faster. Maybe she'd been thinking she'd been doing the right thing at the time… However, Shepard couldn't help the guilt that began to tear into her. She'd never laid a hand on a kid before. And how hard had she slapped Milo? Her cheek was as red as a tomato. Shepard looked down at her hand. She was wearing a gauntlet, a heavily armored gauntlet. Shock crashed over her like a wave of ice water.

"Kaidan, Ashley, go and scout the perimeter," Shepard ordered. The two marines didn't need any more incentive. They quickly walked in opposite directions, Kaidan pressing forward along the walkway and Ashley moving back the way they came. Shepard could feel herself quaking in her boots. The soft side of her wanted to take it all back. Shepard quickly took the kid by the shoulders and led her over to a crate. She lifted her up and sat her down. The marine took off her gloves and touched a bare palm to the kid's red cheek.

"My god how hard did I slap you?" Shepard asked. Milo looked up at her upon hearing the N7's voice crack slightly. "What have I…?"

"What are you doing?" Milo asked. Shepard rubbed her thumb across Milo's flesh and tipped her head slightly to get a better look. "I thought you were angry?"

"I…" Shepard tried to say something. But what? Her brain and her heart were having a fierce conflict inside. Apologize. Don't apologize. Apologize. Don't apologize. "I am angry. The lives of my troopers are more important to me than my own. But that doesn't mean I smack them around whenever they make a mistake."

"It's-"

"Just stop," Shepard said. Milo closed her mouth. Shepard looked at her intently. "I…" The battle still raged inside of her, with either side fighting tooth and nail to come out on top. In the end, though, only one side could win. "I don't want you to ever risk yourself like that again." It was all she could manage. Her brain had proved victorious this time. Perhaps another day she would apologize, when circumstances were better. Right now she had her mission to think of first. Nothing could come in the way of that this minute.

Thankfully, Milo nodded and didn't say anything. Shepard retracted her hand away from the burning cheek and let it fall limp. The kid looked a lot younger sitting on that crate, her feet dangling off of the ground. Shepard took a deep breath.

"Do you need medi-gel?" Shepard asked. Milo shook her head. She had her eyes closed tight and was slowly shaking her head back and forth. Shepard rested her hand on her knee. Suddenly it was like Milo had become a different person. The deaths of her classmates, the exhaustion and survivor's guilt, and the stony façade all came crashing down. The emotions that Milo had kept pent up inside her body all day were suddenly released in a torrent. Milo sobbed like any normal kid would in a situation as terrible as this. She wasn't ready for war like she had thought she was.

Shepard raised her hand to Milo's shoulder and rubbed it earnestly, nodding slightly and whispering,

"I know, I know…" Shepard found herself admiring the fourteen year old for keeping herself so stoic all day despite her situation. She herself hadn't been so strong after the death of her comrades on Akuze, and she'd been an adult then. Milo was obviously a very strong person, but she was still a kid at heart and could only take so much. She'd matured a lot over the past twelve hours. Matured faster than she should have.

She didn't even try to speak as she cried, just shook her head like she didn't want anymore. Anymore of what, though? Loss? Pain? Punishment? As a deeply emotional woman herself, Shepard wanted to hug the kid and tell her it was alright and that she was safe. She wanted to, but Milo wasn't that kind of kid. She needed something different. A strong hand to pick her up, not soft words of encouragement. Shepard let Milo cry herself out until she was sniffling and her eyes were open and bloodshot. She wiped a sleeve across her face to get rid of any snot, making Shepard smile just a tiny bit.

"Listen here," Shepard said quietly, her voice firm. "I told you before on the train that you would be alright. You're alright, Kiddo. You're alright. C'mon…" In a desperate move to make the kid stop her emotional breakdown, Shepard clutched the girl's cheek and stroked her thumb across it. Shepard forced Milo to look her in the eye, where a stern and yet very understanding expression awaited her. Shepard made herself appear strong and confident for Milo's benefit. "C'mon…"

"I c-couldn't j-just sit back and wait," Milo hiccuped.

"I know," Shepard said.

"But I s-should h-have," Milo managed. "I should h-have."

"And now you know better," Shepard said. "Lesson learned. What happened, happened."

"Am I an idiot?" Milo asked. The question came in way out of left field, momentarily catching Shepard off guard.

She quickly recovered and replied, "Absolutely not. You are the smartest kid I've ever met, and I'm not just saying that. You acted rashly, that's it. That doesn't make you an idiot." Shepard knew she had to cheer Milo up quick or she would start running out of things to say and start repeating herself too much. Luckily, Milo lowered herself off of the crate and stood on her own two feet. Milo straightened her uniform and took several deep, and shaky, breaths.

"Can… you not say anything about this?" Milo asked meekly.

"I won't," Shepard promised. "I swear it."

"Shepard." Shepard turned around to see Lieutenant Alenko standing there, his helmet in his hands. He was grinning widely. "It's still here."

"What?" Shepard asked.

"The beacon. It's still here. And it's active."

* * *

A/N: A bit longer of a chapter for you! I welcome any feedback from those of you willing to share your thoughts!


	6. Mission: Failure

The beacon was larger than Shepard had expected. It stood several feet taller than Shepard, rippling with green waves of energy. Shepard could see several blinking lights on the side of the beacon, like indicators that it was still transmitting something. The energy also gave it a bright aura in the night sky. For someone who had worked in space since she was eighteen years old, Shepard had never seen anything look so alien.

The beacon wasn't in a location that made it easy for extraction, deep within a warehouse beside the train station. Its glow was incredibly easy to see from the door of the warehouse. The geth had surrounded it in packing crates full of munitions belonging to the local marine garrison, a little unnecessary seeing as they had intended to nuke the entire planet. Surely the beacon couldn't withstand such an explosion? It begged the question though: Why had the geth wanted to destroy the beacon? All of this warfare to simply destroy the artifact? Why not keep it?

"Where are the marines guarding these?" Ashley asked gruffly, shifting through the crates.

"I think we can guess," Kaidan said solemnly.

Milo hung back, glaring defiantly at Kaidan and Ashley whenever they looked at her, and averting her gaze in embarrassment whenever Shepard met her eyes. Shepard flicked her wrist, activating her omni-tool, and requested a link with the _Normandy_.

"Commander?"

"Joker, get me a link to Captain Anderson," Shepard ordered.

"Yes, ma'am," Joker said, hearing the fatigue in her voice. Shepard waited for only a second before Anderson's voice filled her helmet.

"Shepard, what the hell is going on?"

"Complete chaos and heavy casualties on both sides," Shepard said. "Jenkins and Nihlus are dead, the geth are invading the colony, and I just disabled three nuclear bombs meant to wipe this place off the face of the galaxy." Anderson was quiet for only a second, taking in the news.

"Nihlus is dead?" Anderson asked seriously. Shepard understood why Anderson would have asked that first, but she wished he hadn't. Surely the most pressing issue was the lives of the colonists that had nearly been lost en mass? Hell, they were still dying out there.

"Yes, sir," Shepard said. "We found him dead at the train station." Shepard's eyes rested on Kaidan, who was slowly walking over to the beacon with his hand outstretched. Her eyes narrowed.

"And you said geth are attacking?" Anderson asked. "I've been on the comms with the Eden Prime command force since you landed, and all they've told me is that they were synthetics."

"We're going off the collected knowledge of one of the garrison's NCO's and an Academy cadet," Shepard said.

"Dammit, Shepard," Anderson swore. "You at least recovered the beacon?"

"Yes, sir," Shepard said. "It's located in a warehouse on the outskirts of town. I'm going to mark the location on my mini-map. We're going to have to move it."

"The _Normandy_ will exit stealth mode and come in for a landing at your AO," Anderson said. "Keep the area secured until we get there."

Shepard broke the link and tried to decipher the barely concealed anger in Anderson's voice. Shepard knew her mission had been a success, but only moderately. Again she listed the many mission errors and failures she had made since landing on world. Not only would she have to painstakingly describe everything that had happened today on paper, but her hardsuit's VI interface would be accessed by Anderson. He would see everything that had happened on the mission through her suit's built in cameras. Ultimately, Shepard's performance would be heavily criticized as it was her first mission as the _Normandy's_ XO.

"Lieutenant?" Shepard turned at the sound of Ashley's voice and saw her staring at the beacon. Shepard looked back at the Lieutenant and saw him only a few feet from the beacon, his biotics flickering along his arms and chest. Shepard's eyes widened as Kaidan was dragged forward along the ground. Shepard ran forward.

When Shepard grabbed Kaidan around his shoulders, he gasped at the hard contact. Shepard cursed at the resistance she was getting while trying to tear her lieutenant away. Shepard dug her heels into the hard cement floor of the warehouse and used every ounce of her strength to throw Kaidan backwards and away from the beacon. He fell backwards and was quickly pulled away by his shoulders by Ashley and Milo. Shepard turned to run towards them, but a tendril of green energy wrapped around her left arm.

Shepard's eyes widened in shock as more tendrils of translucent green energy yanked her rapidly back. Shepard was whipped around and lifted into the air. The energy began to overload her suit's systems, making her heads up display flicker and fade. Her hydraulic joints, the only thing keeping her moving the whole mission, snapped and exploded loudly. As metal parts exploded off of her body, Shepard struggled desperately to get away. It was useless. The beacon dragged her through the air to it. Then Shepard's helmet cracked and exploded off of her head with a loud bang. Her glass visor shattered, sending small bits of material sticking into her lips and cheeks. The sting was unexpected, but at least nothing stabbed her eyes.

"Commander!" Kaidan called.

"Don't, it's too dangerous!" Ashley snapped. "She's…!" Shepard's eyes snapped open as energy snaked up her armored body and entered her mind through her forehead. Shepard's vision blurred and suddenly went black as mind breaking pain exploded into her. Shepard couldn't scream or call for help as her body was taken over from the inside, locking her rigid in the air.

Images of large shadows filled her pained mind. Large, black shadows flickering with blinding red light. Noise filled her ears like fog horns. Every part of her body below the neck went ice cold and then flashed hot. Her entire being was in a state of flux, as more and more images of data boards and explosions and melting flesh invaded her mind. The sounds in her ears intensified. The pain was unbearable and made her feel like she were drowning. She couldn't breathe, couldn't move. Then the pain crossed the threshold from choking to killing. Shepard felt like every sensation being forced into her mind was killing her. It just kept building and building until it suddenly and violently came crashing down.

* * *

Shepard woke with a start, her head pounding incessantly. She moaned in something just short of agony and rolled over onto her right shoulder. Through the pain she could feel cool sheets clinging to her sweat soaked body. Shepard's eyes opened blurred by the pain. Everything ached from her bones to her muscles to very skin.

"Easy now, Commander," Chakwas said soothingly, as she ginger turned Shepard onto her back. "Open." Shepard felt Chakwas slip a hand behind her head and lift. Shepard slowly opened her mouth as instructed and felt something cold and circular be placed on her tongue. Shepard waited until Chakwas gently poured a cup of cold water into her mouth. Shepard drank greedily, the inside of her mouth as dry as a desert. Thanks to twenty third century medicine, Shepard's pain ebbed away quickly a mere minute after the pill traveled down her throat.

"God, what the hell happened?" Shepard asked, her vision clearing. She was in the medical bay of the _Normandy_, dressed only in her underwear beneath the sheets of one of the sick beds. She was covered in sweat, enough that her unruly hair was matted to her face. Shepard waited until Chakwas propped her up with a few pillows.

"Anderson has been asking the same thing," Chakwas sighed, taking Shepard's face into her hands and looking her over. She shined a small light in the Commander's eyes. "You made contact with the beacon on Eden Prime and it put you in a brief coma. You've been out for two days."

"Two days?" Shepard asked, her face somehow managing to pale even more than she already was.

"Anderson will want to speak with you," Chakwas said, ignoring Shepard's question. The older woman patted Shepard's cheek and offered a small smile of consolation. "You'll be fine, Shepard. Nothing seems to be out of place despite some very energetic brain activity." Chakwas backed away and sat down at her desk to call for Anderson, leaving Shepard to her thoughts.

She found that she couldn't remember much past entering the warehouse with Kaidan. Specifics such as what the inside of the warehouse looked like and what had been inside beside the beacon were wiped clean from her memory. Why had she approached the beacon? It wasn't like her to do something like that, to approach some kind of alien technology without knowing what effects it would have. Something must have happened to make her get within touching distance of the thing. Shepard wondered if Anderson had still brought it on board despite the damage it could do. Surely anybody who approached would have had the same result as Shepard had?

"He'll be here in a second, Commander," Chakwas said from her desk. "Best steel yourself. He isn't in a good mood."

Shepard could imagine. Everything about the mission to Eden Prime had gone wrong. Never mind that Shepard had completed her objective. God, Nihlus…

Shepard looked up when the door to the med bay hissed open. Anderson marched in with his mouth in a taut line. Shepard could see the tension in his body through the way he walked. He had dark circles under his eyes, like he'd gone through the past few days without any sleep.

"Shepard," Anderson said as he neared her. "How are you feeling?" There was worry in his voice but it did nothing to comfort the woman.

"The meds kicked in just now so I feel fine," Shepard replied. "Although the second they wear off I'm in a world of hurt."

Anderson sighed and rubbed his face with both hands. He looked the way Shepard felt. Her two days of sleep had done nothing to help her exhaustion. She felt just as tired now as she did just after defusing those bombs.

"When you touched the beacon, something happened," Anderson said. "The cameras on your hardsuit were almost all destroyed save for the one in your left legging. The angle didn't give me much to work with. What happened?"

"I don't know," Shepard said. "Everything after entering the warehouse is a haze. I can't remember anything specific. Just that for some reason I walked over to the beacon and touched it I guess."

"It was Alenko who breached containment protocol," Anderson said while crossing his arms. "He tried to touch the beacon and it grabbed him with some kind of energy. If you hadn't intervened, it might have been Kaidan in this bed right now." Shepard tried to remember helping Kaidan at the beacon but nothing clicked in her head. At least the ordeal made a little more sense. She'd have had no reason to touch the beacon unless one of her marines was in trouble.

"I see," Shepard said. Her hands fidgeted with the hem of the sheets that covered her. She looked down and said, "Sir, that mission was…"

"Costly?"

"Yes."

"No one on the _Normandy_ blames you, Shepard," Anderson said, taking a step forward. "I reviewed the footage. You held up even after Jenkins was killed and kept your marines fighting until the very end of the mission. You even managed to save an entire human colony. You do realize that that is Star of Terra leagues of performance?" Shepard looked up at Anderson with tired eyes.

"Sir, I really don't feel like that."

"You're going to catch flak, Shepard," Anderson admitted. "Udina and Hackett are not going to be pleased that Nihlus was killed, and they'll be looking for answers. Not to mention… the beacon was destroyed." Shepard's face became emotionless. The beacon was destroyed? How?

"How, sir?" Shepard asked, her voice hard. "What happened?"

"It exploded right after it released you," Anderson said. "Nothing was left, not even a scrap of debris."

"We're returning home empty-handed?!" Shepard asked, raising her voice. "The mission was a failure?!"

"The mission objectives weren't met but that is hardly your fault," Anderson said, raising a hand. "We went in not knowing what was going on or why. You managed to save the colony, Shepard. That is more than enough in my book."

"Sir, defusing bombs and saving lives is expected of me," Shepard said through gritted teeth.

"If that's the way you feel about it, I won't try to change your mind," Anderson said. "The fact of the matter is, while you might not have succeeded in the mission, you managed to save a lot of human lives instead. A _lot_ of human lives."

Shepard still felt miserable. She hadn't yet felt the gravity of her actions in disabling the bombs, but rather focused on the things that hadn't gone so well. She would be heavily criticized by Udina and Hackett, of that she had no doubt.

"Sir, I screwed up," Shepard breathed. "I made so many operational errors… I was narrowed minded the entire way, always pressing in one direction instead of employing any kind of strategy. Sir… we can't even bury Jenkins."

"I know, Shepard," Anderson nodded. "I get what you're feeling but right now I need my XO moving again. We're currently on our way to the Citadel to meet with Udina and Hackett and then the Council. Unless Chakwas says you need more rest I'd like you up and at em'."

Shepard slowly nodded, grabbing the hem of the sheets and pushed them off of her. Shepard turned towards Anderson and slowly rested her feet on the cold floor of the medical bay. She felt a little unsteady but not enough to make her fall over.

She felt Anderson's eyes on her the entire time and looked at him curiously. He staring at her oddly. Shepard glanced down to where he was looking. Her stomach. Shepard swallowed hard and placed a hand over her stomach. Anderson cleared his throat and looked away. Shepard's face burned with embarrassment.

"Haven't you ever seen stretch marks before, Sir?" Shepard asked testily.

"It's… none of my business, Shepard," Anderson said. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'll be in my quarters if you need me." He left quickly, leaving Shepard to the will of Dr. Chakwas. The older woman approached with a spare work uniform from Shepard's locker and handed them to her.

"I'll be monitoring your readings for the next few days so I'll need you to wear this bracelet," Chakwas said. She rested a circular piece of metal, similar to an omni-tool ring, on top of the pile of clothes. Shepard nodded quietly. Chakwas rested a comforting hand on Shepard's mostly bare shoulder. "Your body is nothing to be ashamed of, Shepard. It's very common amongst mothers."

"I'm not a mother," Shepard said evenly. "I'm not ashamed, I just don't like to call attention to them, alright?"

"I understand," Chakwas said. "Well, get dressed and head on out. I think you'll be alright, but just in case you need me I'll be here. Just because I'm giving you a scanning bracelet doesn't mean I can tell everything that goes on. It just gives me a good idea."

"I will, doctor," Shepard said. "Thanks."

Shepard quickly showered in the private stall in the back room of the medical bay but allowed herself a few brief minutes under the hot spray. When she stepped out she toweled off and slipped her fresh underwear, t-shirt, and jumpsuit on. With more and more movement Shepard found that some of her exhaustion was ebbing away. Shepard supposed some of her apparent fatigue was from sleeping in bed for two whole days. She had just needed to get up and move a little.

"I'm heading out, doctor," Shepard said, flashing the other woman her wrist to show that she was wearing the bracelet as instructed. "Thanks for looking after me."

"Of course, Shepard," Chakwas said with a small smile. "It's part of the job."

* * *

Shepard walked out of the medbay, scratching the back of her head irritably. She looked down at her boots and thought about what waited for her on the Citadel. Would she be relieved from the _Normandy_? Maybe she had diffused the bombs in time, but losing a prothean beacon and a top Spectre might make her look like a pro-human eccentric to the rest of the galaxy, which was exactly why soldiers like Aiko hadn't been assigned. Shepard felt her legs quake when she considered that Udina and Hackett might leave her at the feet of the Council. What kind of retribution would she endure then?

Shepard looked up suddenly as the ground team, each one looking sorry for themselves, approached her. They each saluted to her.

"How are you all feeling?" She blinked and smiled sheepishly, remembering to salute back as was custom. Kaidan looked as tired as Shepard felt, with dark circles under his eyes and a guilty expression marring his normally good looks. His usual suave hair was looking unkempt. Ashley on the other hand seemed to be well rested and cleaned up. The muscular marine managed a smile.

"Coping I guess," she said. "We were all worried about you."

"What happened after I blacked out?"

"Kaidan and I carried you to the _Normandy's_ LZ," Ashley said. "We… had to leave your armor behind. It was too heavy for us to carry you in. Still, it wasn't like there was much left."

"My armor is gone, huh?" Shepard asked with sigh.

"No entirely," Milo said quietly. "I grabbed your shoulder pad on the way out of the warehouse. Captain Anderson put in your quarters." Shepard gave her a small smile.

"Thanks." Shepard suddenly became aware of many wandering eyes. She led the small group over to the mess hall tables and sat down. The entire hall was quiet except for the scraping of chairs as they all sat down. The cook, or culinary expert as he preferred to be called, was busy with his nose buried in a book as he idly stirred a pot of food. Shepard appreciated that so few people were around. She didn't want them all to see her look so downcast, especially after the way she had behaved since coming aboard.

"Do you feel better, Commander?" Alenko asked quietly.

"I'm feeling okay now that Chakwas gave me some magic medicine," Shepard said, trying to look cheerful for his sake.

"Ma'am, I'm so-"

"Don't worry about it, Kaidan," Shepard said with a small wave. "You'd have done the same for me… I hope."

"Damn right I would have," Kaidan said earnestly, although his voice sounded unsure. Shepard didn't hold it against him. The pain she had experienced upon touching the beacon and waking up in the hospital had been excruciating. She would have been lying if she said she didn't have some regrets buried deep within. Even so, she knew that in the end, it was better that she take the brunt of any attacks when it came to the wellbeing of her troops.

"Did the beacon… do any… permanent damage?" Ashley asked awkwardly. "I mean when you hit the ground you looked like you were having a seizure." Shepard shook her head.

"I think I'll be okay in a few days," Shepard said. "Although… when the beacon touched me… I saw things in my head. Visions I guess."

"Visions, ma'am?" Ashley asked with a growing smirk. Shepard had to chuckle at her choice of words and ran a hand through her hair as if searching for a more proper term in there.

"I don't know," Shepard said finally, dropping her hand. "But it was pretty weird. Mostly shadows of some kind… radio noise, whispering, and metal objects covered in some kind of goo."

"Maybe we need an exorcism?" Milo asked dryly. Shepard shrugged again.

"Maybe," Shepard said. "Either way, we're just going to let the Captain lead from now on, okay? I still need to be debriefed and… well, judging from the way the mission went I'd say my time here is coming to a close." Each of them looked at Shepard oddly.

"What do you mean?" Kaidan asked. "Ma'am?"

"The mission was a failure," Shepard said matter-of-factly. She swallowed hard but continued to smile. "The beacon was destroyed, Nihlus is dead… all we know about his killer is somebody named Saren… I'd say I'm gonna get sacked as soon as we dock."

"No way will they can you," Ashley said adamantly. "I saw you down there, Commander, you fight like ten marines."

"A real N7 can fight like twenty," Shepard said. "That's what I was told in training. Besides, it's not my skill that's in question. I was brought into this project to fill a specific roll with very specific responsibilities. I failed and that's that."

She didn't mean to sound so sorry for herself. It just came out that way. Maybe she ought to just blame the geth in her report. Maybe blame it all on bad Intel? Faulty equipment maybe? All Shepard could think of as an adequate answer for the questions she would undoubtedly receive was, "Operator Error."

"We can say something, ma'am," Kaidan said. He sat forward. "We can vouch for you."

"No you won't," Shepard said, her smile disappearing. She looked at him seriously, mustering all the strength she had left in her body to make her gaze as withering as possible. She looked at each one of them and said, "This is on me." Only Milo withstood the death stare, something that Shepard found slightly ironic. She could make grown men back down with a glare and yet this kid didn't seem to have an issue. But then she wasn't a normal kid anymore, was she?

"I'm assuming you are going back home?" Shepard asked Milo. "Have you spoken to your parents?" Milo's expression was emotionless again, as it had been throughout the conversation.

"They didn't pick up the call," Milo said without even a flicker of emotion. Shepard was unsure whether or not to ask any more questions. It might have been rude to do so. Shepard nodded hesitantly.

"Well at least you tried, right?" Shepard asked hopefully.

"I hear reception can get pretty bad on Triton Beach," Milo said. Triton Beach. A crowning jewel of a vacation spot on the colony Sirona. You literally had to be a billionaire to go there. Shepard, not wanting to keep the kid on the spot, looked at Ashley.

"What about you, Ash?"

"Actually, Anderson said he'd get me assigned to the _Normandy_," Ashley said sheepishly. "He said I'd make a good asset."

"That's great, Ash," Shepard said. "The _Normandy_ will be better with you on board."

"I won't disappoint," Ashley agreed.

Shepard waited through a drawn out silence until Ashley bid her leave, promising to talk to them all later after she'd taken care of a few calls home. Kaidan quickly followed her out, visibly uncomfortable with the quiet. Shepard sighed as they left, staring at her hands which she had flattened against the table top.

"They're going to put me in a new class, aren't they?" Milo asked suddenly with a sigh.

"Probably," Shepard said.

"And they're all going to look at me funny… aren't they?"

"… Probably…"

"And I'm never going to forget about Eden Prime… aren't I?"

"… No."

* * *

A/N: Hope you guys are enjoying this as much as I am. I would love constructive criticism from anyone willing to offer it. :D


	7. Titanium Ovaries

Shepard had to admire the view from the _Normandy's _cockpit as Joker brought the ship in to the Citadel for docking. She could only stare in awe at the massive space station, a true city amongst the stars. The metropolis arms glittered brightly in the fluorescent purple nebula, steady streams of constant traffic easy to see even from a long distance away. Five arms spread out from a circular middle piece, giving the station a starfish appearance. As the_ Normandy_ flew in amongst the outstretched arms, Shepard began to make out individual buildings and even green patches that had to be parks. She couldn't fathom what it must have taken to build such a magnificent piece of architecture or how much it must cost to keep the station running. Shepard actually had her nose pressed against the glass like an overeager tourist after a long flight. She had to go out and explore. Hopefully her shakedown by the higher ups wouldn't last too long.

* * *

Shepard stood straight against the holo-screen of the _Normandy's_ conference room. She stood beneath the withering glare of Udina, the cool and collected gaze of Admiral Hackett, and the moody stare from Anderson. Each man seemed like they wanted to say something before the other two just to make sure they got the first point across. Shepard waited for the berating to come, wondering what would become of her now. Would she be sent back to the Common Man for flight testing again? Buried under a bunch of paper work to be forgotten about?

"Dammit, Shepard!" Udina said.

Shepard couldn't help but feel a bit surprised that he had been the first to speak. Then again, he seemed the angriest. Anderson at least looked sympathetic with his moody stares but Hackett… the man was unreadable. "Nihlus dead, the beacon destroyed! What am I going to hear next?! That you were the one that killed him."

"Ambassador," Anderson said quickly. "Shepard did an admiral job down on Eden Prime, worthy of a medal. She saved the colony!"

"Don't you think I know that?!" Udina asked incredulously. "I have no doubt for Shepard's skill or dedication! We brought her into this project to show that humanity can work with aliens and were willing to share information! The implications that this mission might result in...!"

"They might think we blew up that beacon on purpose to hide any information inside," Hackett said with a curt nod. "Or that we ordered Shepard to kill Nihlus while his back was turned. It wouldn't be the first time that something along those lines happened."

Shepard listened to them bicker as if she weren't even in the room. She stayed still with her legs shoulder with apart and her hands clasped behind her back. She stared forward emotionlessly but inside she quaking with fear. She didn't know what of. Maybe being sent away as a failure?

"We had no way of knowing that the geth were attacking," Anderson said adamantly. "Besides, the Council has our report already. They know what we found down there and they'd be fools to think we would stage something like that to keep a fucking pole of history lessons from them."

"The point is, all of the work we put in trying to earn the Council's trust has almost certainly been in vain because of this mission," Udina snapped. "And-"

"You want Shepard as a scapegoat!" Anderson shot back.

Shepard could barely hold in her gasp. The way Anderson spoke to Udina was dangerous. Not only for him, but for the entire project. Udina had only to snap his fingers and he would be able to end Anderson's career. Shepard half expected Hackett to step in but the main simply sighed and took a flask out of his jacket pocket.

Shepard's eyes danced between Anderson and Udina. Why was Anderson fighting so hard at her defense? Was it because he truly believed she had done a good job… or was it because he didn't want to wait another few weeks while the choosing process for a new candidate started up again? What was Shepard to him? An executive officer or a means of simply getting humanity to the top? Did any of these men truly care… Shepard's thoughts were interrupted as she felt a pair of eyes fixate firmly on her.

Hackett stared intently as Shepard, his mouth still around the lip of the flask. Shepard noticed that his cheeks were slightly flushed. How much of that alcohol had he drank? Why was he looking at her like that? Shepard's eyes met his. She saw them flash. Obviously he was trying to tell her something. What did he want?

"Do not try and shift this on me, Anderson!" Udina said angrily. "Who was the one on the ground?! Who had the power to keep Nihlus alongside her?! Look at the footage again! You yourself and even Shepard outlined everything she could have done! Face it! She could have conducted that mission a hundred different ways! She could have saved Nihlus, she could have actually followed containment procedures instead of touching the beacon."

"Shepard did her duty as was expected," Anderson argued. "If you actually had cared to read William's report you would know that the beacon wasn't active when it was uncovered. Something happened after the geth got a hold of it!"

"It doesn't matter whether it was active or not!" Udina said. "It was intact when it was uncovered, it should have been intact when it arrived at the Citadel. Instead we got the base of the beacon and two body bags to show for it."

Shepard once again saw Hackett's eyes flash. His eyes narrowed and then quickly returned to their normal coolness. He lowered his flask and capped it before stowing it away in his pocket again. Shepard swallowed. Did he want her to say something? What?

"I think we're forgetting something critical here," Anderson said, his hands clenched into fists. "The dockworker. He said that the person that killed Nihlus was a turian named Saren."

"Don't bring up conspiracy theories, Anderson!" Udina said. "The Council doesn't want to hear you babble on about Saren to them again."

"How else could the guy have known who Saren was unless he heard the name?" Anderson asked. "Saren is a pretty uncommon name and has never been a human name."

Shepard suddenly understood. Hackett wanted her to say something. Nothing specific, just _something_. Something to defend herself. What could she say? Shepard frowned. What could these men want to hear? Should she tell them that she'll do better? Should she lay down her evidence? Prove that everything about that mission had gone wrong but not by her doing? Shepard took a small breath and took an abrupt step forward.

Her boots clacked loudly against the paneled floor of the conference room. Shepard continued staring straight ahead, but brought her hand up in a crisp salute. Her entire body tensed as if to lock her in place. _No going back now. You'd look like an idiot not to say something after this._ Her movement had gained her the surprised attention of each man.

"Commander Jodie Shepard of the _Normandy_ reporting for duty, s_ir!_" Shepard said loudly.

"What are you going on about?" Udina asked with a glare.

"I am the executive officer to Captain David Anderson, handpicked by Admiral Hackett and Ambassador Udina themselves!" Jodie went on without lowering her voice. Her tone carried off the walls of the room. "I was chosen to be the catalyst of humanity's advancement to the Council! I was to be assessed by a Spectre to join the Council's elite ranks and not only serve my people but everyone in the galaxy! My leaders chose me because I could get the job done! I am an N7 trained soldier of the Alliance Marines, bred from the streets of Minneapolis on Earth!

"No one is better suited than I for this position!" Shepard said, her voice rising an octave. By now she was almost trying to convince herself more than the three staring at her in shock. "As the leader of the ground team and the executive officer of the most advanced ship in both the turian and human navies, I advise that we allow the Council to pass judgment! I will stand before them with every scrap of evidence at my disposal and I _will_ become humanity's first Spectre!" She was shaking. _Visibly_ shaking. Her outburst had caused adrenaline to surge through her body. She was so worked up she wanted to break a nose.

The men were quiet for some time. They each searched her, trying to catch a break in her resolve. Shepard only stared forward, unblinking.

She could do this. Shepard wouldn't be stopped, no matter what these old men thought of her. Shepard was a soldier of humankind! She could do what twenty other soldiers couldn't, she could save a colony from annihilation. She was born for this! Could these men simply cast her off and use her as a scapegoat? Would she let that happen? _Fuck. That._

"Maybe we ought to give her another chance at this," Hackett sighed, standing up from his seat and stretching. "We'll let the Council decide what happens now. They have the reports after all and it was there Spectre that was killed. I vote we keep Shepard in." Shepard almost started sobbing right then and there.

"Agreed," Anderson said quickly. He glared at Udina with a smirk. The politician looked about ready to burst he was so angry. He shook with barely controlled rage because he might have thought he was being ganged up on. Shepard watched him intently. Udina growled and relaxed his pent up shoulders.

"Fine," Udina said. "We'll let the Council pass judgment. But she'll be under their authority and their disciplinary procedures. Not ours."

Shepard wanted to scream and dance. Her smile broke through her stoic defenses and landed squarely on her face. She watched as Udina marched out of the room. Hackett flashed her a look that Shepard thought might have said 'good work' before he too left. As the doors shut behind him, Shepard's shaking was getting out of control.

"At ease, officer," Anderson said, sitting back in his seat. Shepard fell to her knees and fell forward onto her forehead. She grinned into the floor and planted her palms flat on either side of her.

"That was a good speech," Anderson said.

Shepard turned her head slightly to smirk at him from the ground. Shepard loudly exclaimed, "I won't disappoint, sir!"

* * *

Shepard's excitement was short lived as the realization that she would be at the Council's mercy kicked in. She walked out of the conference room with a waning smile, trying not to focus too much on what _might_ happen. She ought to just be thankful that Udina had let her off so easily, although in his mind a trial by the Council was probably punishment enough. Maybe he was confident that Shepard would be prosecuted by the Council?

She waited for only an hour before Anderson called her into his office. He told her to put on her best uniform because they were both headed up to the Citadel Tower to meet with the councilors themselves. Ten minutes later found them both cleaned up and riding the monorail across the wards. As they left the Alliance sector, filled with only armed guards and varying ships, and their train rode into a wide open landscape of boulevards and shopping centers and Shepard gasped quietly.

Shepard stared out of the windows at the metropolis around her while Anderson simply busied himself with a datapad. Shepard couldn't tear her eyes away from the thousands of passing advertisements and glittering skyscrapers. Skycars of all kinds traveled in lines of traffic and honked their horns. It was entirely different feeling to be riding inside the city than looking down at it from space. The other ward arms stretched out above them. There was no sky or clouds, only the glitter of stars and the other arms. To think each arm was its own city, and to think that the entire metropolis of Tokyo would only take up one _half_ of one arm…

Shepard wanted nothing more than to leap out of the moving train right then and there and run around with a blank check. She'd never seen so many shopping centers in one space before, and never so many aliens. They walked around in packs, asari, humans, turians, salarians, and even the massive elcor. They carried shopping bags and wore expensive clothing and all walked about like it was just another day for them. Shepard couldn't imagine getting used to living in a place like this. Every day would seem like a vacation to her.

Shepard stared with wide eyes at construction cranes high above her. The city wasn't just a behemoth, it was _growing_. Buildings were getting taller, shopping centers were getting wider, and the population was getting more and more diverse. There was no clear sector of influence by an species besides the military dockings bays and assorted embassy's. Everything was a cultural mishmash on the Citadel and almost overwhelming.

Shepard couldn't even read many of the advertisements as they flew by. They were all in alien languages and flashed bright colors in her face. The sensory overload almost made Shepard's headache return, but her excitement outweighed any discomforts.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Anderson asked without looking up. "This is your first time on the Citadel, isn't it?"

"Yes, sir," Shepard said breathlessly.

"Well enjoy it while it lasts," Anderson sighed. "Because it gets old pretty quickly."

"How could a place like this get old?" Shepard asked with a smile. "It's massive! You'll never run out of things to do!"

"You will when you realize that you don't have the paycheck to survive a week here. You wait. Your funds will dry up if you aren't careful."

Shepard knew he was probably right but it didn't matter to her then. Even if she only got a few days to enjoy this place, she'd make the time and money to do it right.

Shepard didn't stop her ogling for the entire ride to the Citadel tower, and even then, she was practically dancing in her seat to get out and snap some pictures. The Presidium was even more impressive than the wards.

A circular crowning jewel of the crown that was the Citadel, the Presidium was brightly lit with its own blue sky and fluffy clouds. It was all a hologram of course, but Shepard could feel the temperature difference as they rode in. While her eyes adjusted to the sudden light, Shepard gasped again. A bustling metropolis was replaced with a calm waterfront coastline on either side of a clear blue river. Buildings arranged like giant, rising steps with sky bridges stretching across the water every so often were interrupted by quaint restaurants and gardens that dotted the long landscape. There were actual fields of green grass instead of cold metal and stone.

Shepard could also see that the Presidium was where the government had most of its influence. The Citadel Security building sat on a small peninsula that jutted out into the wide river, with rows of blue and black sky cars lined up in a parking lot. Shepard could see landing pads where gunships waited to be launched at a moment's notice. The hospital was only a short ways down the river from the C-SEC building, although its shape was much different. The building was built like a sky bridge, spanning the widest point in the river. It was as wide as the _Normandy _was long, with large glass picture windows on either side. As the monorail rode down just below the massive building, Shepard could see large words flashing on the side in different languages.

"_Huerta Memorial Hospital," _chimed the VI as the monorail briefly stopped at the hospital station before jetting off again. Of all the buildings on the Citadel, the Citadel Tower was the least impressive, at least at first glance. As the monorail stopped in front of it and Anderson and Shepard disembarked, Shepard blinked in confusion.

"Shouldn't the government building be… a little more impressive?" Shepard asked. It wasn't that the tall, cylinder shaped building was an eye sore, but compared to the rest of the station's magnificence, it was a bit of a letdown.

"Just wait for the elevator ride," Anderson said. And Shepard did. And she was, once again, impressed. The lobby of the Council building was circular, like the outside of the building, with various waterfalls and potted plants adorning the inside walls. A few groups of standing politicians schmoozed as Shepard and Anderson walked to the back wall. Shepard supposed the front desk was at the top?

They both stepped into the elevator, which had more buttons than the _Normandy's _flight controls. Anderson pressed the top center button and immediately the elevator shot into the air at an alarming rate. Despite the rapidly disappearing ground below them, Shepard didn't feel even a shake as the lift shot up like a bullet. The glass box they rode in was an oddly comfortable ride.

The elevator breached the top of the Presidium, and suddenly Shepard was standing amongst the stars. She gazed out at the five, outstretched arms in renewed appreciation for their might. It was like she _was_ the presidium itself. She could see the rear thrusters of the Citadel defense fleet. The stars were magnificent from there, the purple nebula wrapping around the station like a blanket. Shepard knew that no matter where she went in life, no matter what planet or station, nothing would ever stand up to the Citadel's might. Never before had a city left such a lasting first impression on her.

Hopefully it wouldn't be Shepard's only visit, and hopefully the Council would be as magnificent as the place they lived.


	8. First Impressions: Council

Shepard walked into the Council chambers expecting the walls to be made out of solid gold with silk tapestries over the windows and floating cherubs playing gentle music. The stories about the Council among the ranks of the Alliance and the bars on human worlds were those of a regal group of political and social masterminds who acted for the benefit of their own people first and the rest of the galaxy second. While the chambers weren't what Shepard was expecting, it fit the Citadel nicely and was no less regal or calm than the rest of the Presidium.

The chambers were a series of circular rooms interesting one another in a straight line. Several waterfalls poured out of the ceiling around the edges of the rooms and flowed into ponds that gurgled beneath the floor. Railings surrounded the floor as well, allowing passerby's to lean forward and see their reflection in the water at the foot of the walls. It was well lit with bright lights in the ceiling and a few lights in the water cast ripples all around the rooms.

In several places there were trees, bushes and flowers planted in soft dirt in the middle of the floor, making the entire chambers smell less like the nervous sweating of the politicians hanging around and more like the bountiful scent of nature.

Shepard stayed close to Anderson as he led her through the chambers. He surprised her in his disinterest in the place he was walking. Did he not think the Council Chambers to be a beautiful place? Or had he also been here several times? Shepard could see the grim look on his face as he led her onward, making her feel slightly nervous.

Shepard had never met the Council. She didn't even know what they looked like. It wasn't like Shepard typically paid attention to the affairs of other species but not that she was here in their home turf, she wished she had. How was she supposed to connect with aliens and make them see that she's worthy of Spectre status if she doesn't know the first thing about them specifically?

Well, it wasn't as if Shepard knew nothing at all. She had trained on a few of their worlds, but that didn't really expose her fully to other cultures. While mud tended to look like mud no matter where you were in the galaxy, mentalities and ideology's tended to differ, at least Shepard thought so. She remembered the turians she trained with were quick to anger and rigid in their methods. Shepard's impression of salarians were that they were sly secret keepers with only a tenth of the charm. When the asari had visited Earth, the few she met were entirely too friendly with some of the other cadets and a bit nosy into their comrades lives. Shepard didn't dislike them for their behavior, it was just who they were. Shepard tried to keep in mind that her first impressions didn't mean they were all compatible, however.

Maybe that was why Shepard was so enamored by the Citadel... all of these alien races living under one roof and sharing the same air. Were they all really so calm with one another here or had they simply just gotten used to each other? Shepard couldn't see turians even spending any time with asari considering how quickly the blue skinned women would come up with new things to do or try out. Salarians and humans together? Humans and turians? Shepard had to see it to believe it.

"This place is amazing, sir," Shepard breathed. "Everyone coexisting with one another on this massive floating city in the stars!"

"It's really not that great once you get used to it," Anderson said with a sigh. "But I won't try and ruin your fun. Besides, maybe it's a good thing you like it here. If you become a Spectre, you'll be spending a lot of time here."

"All the more reason to convince them that I'm valuable," Shepard said, giving Anderson a half smile. "Do you think they'll listen to me, sir?"

"I think they'll listen to every word you say," Anderson replied. His voice was bitter and hard. Shepard pursed her lips.

"What happens to me if they don't keep me around?" Shepard asked. She stopped walking and put her hands on her hips. "What happens to the _Normandy_?"

Anderson glanced over his shoulder and paused for a second. He shook his head and kept walking. "We'll just have to see. I can't give you a straight answer to that yet."

Shepard jogged a little catch up. Groups of politicians brownnosing each other paused briefly to look over at the passing soldiers. Shepard considered quickly what they might be thinking? Did they often see Alliance soldiers walking through the Council chambers?

Shepard looked around as she walked. There were a few groups here and there, most wearing suits or dresses, others wearing C-Sec uniforms. Shepard looked ahead and to find two turians standing in front of the stairs that led to the Council's podium. They were in deep conversation, talking rapidly, and one looked agitated. Luckily for her, Shepard knew how to speak turian. Oddly enough, turians were the only race in the galaxy to have only one language to their people. While basic was obviously a language they learned young just like everyone else nowadays, since the turian Unification War, many turian cultures had been stamped out or integrated. One language, one ideology, one military, one government, and one itch to complete what they had started during First Contact. Oddly enough, however, they still kept a homage to their ancestral home colonies with facial markings.

"I just need a little more time!" Shepard had never seen a turian look so dead on his feet before, but this guy sure took the cake in that department. He was a Citadel Security officer judging by his uniform, but he looked like he'd been awake for days without any rest. His eyes looked exhausted behind the hard plating on his face. His mandibles didn't click or flutter as often as a rested turian when he talked, and his uniform unkempt and dirty in several places like he'd been working in a mechanic shop. "Tell the Council I can prove Saren's dirty. Stall them!"

"Stall the Council?" the other asked. This turian wasn't as tall as the other, and he looked exceptionally well rested… and fed. His red markings on his face were in stark contrast to the others blue. Where his face was soft, the haggard looking man's was hard. Shepard's eyebrows rose when she saw the stars on the chubby turian's uniform. "Don't be ridiculous, Garrus."

"I need-"

"You need to sleep and to drop this nonsense," came the irritated reply. "You'll agree with me once you've had a few hours of sleep that I'm right. I'm not going to say another word on the matter. Drop the case or drop the badge on my desk. Tonight." The turian turned and left the other one standing in dismay. He shouldered past Shepard and Anderson without any regard. Garrus swore beneath his breath, using words that even made Shepard's ears turn red.

"Commander Shepard," Garrus said as they approached. "Garrus Vakarian, detective for C-Sec."

"You know who I am?" Shepard asked. He didn't sound hostile to her but seemed highly uncomfortable.

"I took up the case of looking into Saren for you," Garrus replied. "The Council gave the job to C-Sec, and I took that case immediately. I've been tracking a dirty Spectre for months now, and I finally got his real name thanks to you."

"Who is this Saren?" Shepard asked.

"A turian Spectre," Anderson answered. Shepard glanced at him. The way he said Saren's name… did they know each other?

"Right," Garrus nodded. "Saren Arterius, long time Spectre and Councilor Sparatus' first pick for any mission. I've been up for days trying to get as much dirt on him as I could, but he covered his tracks well. The slip up with that dock worker on Eden Prime is a great lead, but I can't get much else. Right now the Council has him on a vid call. They're already questioning him."

"What?!" Anderson growled. "They didn't wait for Shepard?"

"Your Ambassador is already in there," Garrus said.

"Shepard, come on," Anderson ordered. Shepard quickly followed.

"Thanks," Shepard said as she passed. Garrus gave her a turian's salute.

"_I pray for your success_," he replied in his native tongue.

* * *

When Shepard crested the top of the stairs, she found herself in a large, rectangular room lined with pink and orange trees. The floor was tiled with grey slabs with blue outlines, occasionally interrupted by floor lights. The room was so clean it looked brand new. Shepard looked around and saw a disgusting looking bug-like creature attacking a stray leaf with a broom.

"What the-?"

"Shepard," Anderson snapped. Shepard, startled at his ferocity, quickly paid attention to where they were going.

Shepard's mouth hung agape. The Council stood on a high pedestal over a large pond as wide as the room. Fountains sprang up on either side of the tall aliens, casting sparkles in every direction.

The turian councilor was downright regal in his long, flowing robes and headpiece. His face was scarred from years of military service, and his mandibles were wrinkled and chipping with age. He looked ancient standing beside the asari councilor.

The asari councilor wore a long blue robe that left her shoulders and collar bone open to the air. As with most of her people, she looked barely above her early twenties and had curves that would make most men drool and women jealous. Her eyes were a sharp shade of green that stood out from her flawless cerulean skin, accentuated on her face with white tattoos marking her house and experiences. A strip on her lip indicated military service and a completely covered upper lip suggested sophistication and style. Shepard only knew this because of her exceptionally chatty 'friends' in the commandos who had trained with her years ago.

The salarian councilor was the one that Shepard was most impressed with, however. He stood proud in his robes, looking twice as charismatic as even his asari counterpart. His eyes seemed to sparkle like he knew something you didn't, and his wrinkles actually made him look quiet friendly. He was obviously proud of his achievements and his position.

And of course there was the massive hologram of a grey skinned turian off to the left. He was oddly sized in the projection, making him appear ten feet tall and uncannily muscular for a turian. His body implants were easily seen sticking out of his arms. Shepard could guess what they were for. Maybe he really was that muscular and really was that tall because he'd modified his body beyond return. Turians were supposed to be dedicated to serving the greater good of their people as a whole. Shepard supposed this kind of thinking might lead someone to drastically change their body in such a way.

"Ah, Captain Anderson," Saren growled as the two of them approached. "You always seem to be at the lead whenever humanity makes false charges against me." His voice was infuriatingly smug, a tone of voice that Shepard had gotten very used to over the years since her training on Palaven. Turians were experts at smugness.

"We'll see about false this time," Anderson muttered. He glared up at Saren with intense, raging eyes. While his face was calm, his eyes simply betrayed everything. Shepard watched him carefully as they stepped up to the base of the podium. Udina also seemed wary of the Captain as they neared.

"We have testimony from one of Eden Prime's dock workers," Udina said. Something told Shepard that this wasn't the first time he had said this to the Council. He had had plenty of time to get here and try to convince them before Anderson and Shepard arrived. "You've seen the video proof yourself, how else could that worker have known Saren's name? The identities of Spectre's are kept hidden as per your laws."

"We have seen your evidence, and we admit that it is rather odd that someone on a human colony could know the true name of one of our Spectres," the asari Councilor said, her voice rich and serene. Like most asari, her voice had a way of making a person feel soothed. While they were nice to listen to, it had also caused problems during co-species training. Shepard remembered one of the asari officer's had tried to berate her for mouth breathing during a stealth maneuver, but the serene tone used during the dressing down had only made Shepard laugh. Then the officer had used her biotics to launch her into the next county. Shepard couldn't remember a single one of her fellow classmates feeling threatened whenever the asari drill sergeants made their way around, at least not when they spoke.

"But that isn't enough evidence to link him to the attack," Sparatus said. "The man in the footage was obviously distressed, putting anything he says into question."

"Not enough evidence?" Shepard whispered. "But he said-"

"Does the human have something to say?"

Shepard looked up when Saren addressed her. He looked down at her in unbridled contempt. She could see that it wasn't only focused at her, but her entire species. Saren looked at Udina, Anderson, Shepard, and every human politician in the adjoining rooms like they were less than dirt to be spat on. Shepard swallowed hard and stepped up beside Udina. With the eyes of the galaxy's most powerful people on her, she suddenly felt very small.

"I'm Commander Jodie Shepard, XO to Captain Anderson," Shepard said, raising her voice just in case the Council couldn't hear her. "The dock worker addressed Saren by name and also claimed that he was the one that shot and killed Nihlus. How does this not link him to the attack on Eden Prime?"

"The man's mental state is in question here," the salarian councilor explained. "Saren is a very popular name in turian society, and Eden Prime's merchant ships often refuel at the same stations as turian ships. It's very possible that the worker overheard someone mention the name Saren in passing and latched onto it. Humans in distress always look for someone or something to blame. It's in your nature, isn't it?" Shepard opened her mouth to speak before being interrupted by the turian councilor.

"Valern is right," he said with a flutter of his mandibles. "Besides, the obvious question I think we're all eager to hear you explain next is how Saren could at all be connected with the geth? They attacked your colony after all with a plethora of evidence left behind. As we speak, your fleets are busy driving them out and routing them from nearby systems."

"This meeting has no purpose other than to serve as another way for humanity to waste your time," Saren said with a wave of his talons. "They'll do anything to get a seat on the Council and a place in the Spectres. They even go so far as to blame an attack on one of their own colonies on one of your most trusted and experienced operators and try and convince you that this shivering woman is capable of being a Spectre. Look at her, where is the muscle? The drive?"

Shepard swallowed hard once again, her eye's refusing to meet Saren's. Was he right? Did she lack strength? Physically perhaps… but she was strong in spirit, wasn't she? She'd never given up before… at least not in combat. Shepard had proven herself to Udina, Hackett, and Anderson just a little while before. Why was it so hard to repeat herself now? Where had her confidence gone in such a short time? Saren wasn't that intimidating… he'd gone as low as to turn the scrutiny onto his enemies.

"Humanity isn't ready to join the Council or the Spectres," Saren finished.

"He has no right to say that," Udina snapped. "That is not his decision."

"Humanity's admission into the Council and the Spectres is not the purpose of this meeting, Spectre," the asari councilor said, her voice warning but ineffective when directed at such a man.

"This meeting as no purpose Councilor," Saren said. "I have more pressing matters to attend to now than wasting my time with these creatures again. Matters that each of you assigned me."

"As is customary, let's bring this to a vote," Sparatus said. "Those in favor of dropping this ridiculous charge?"

"Just a minute, Sparatus," Valern said. "Until _we_ can prove that Saren _isn't_ behind these attacks, we mustn't jump to any conclusions. I say we vote that for the time being, Saren is suspended from any Spectre assignments until Anderson and his people can come up with more solid evidence."

"And how long could that take?" Saren asked. "Councilor, surely-?"

"What do you think, Councilor Tevos?" Valern asked. "Is my logic not sound?"

"It is, and I agree," Tevos said, her lips curling into the tiniest of smiles. "However, we cannot keep Saren on probation indefinitely while Anderson and his crew search for more answers. I say we give them two days. A Spectre's duties are many and vitally important. We cannot afford to keep one such as Saren exempted for any lengthy period of time."

"Agreed," Valern said. "Does this suit you, Ambassador?"

"Yes," Udina said before Anderson could speak. "That suits us just fine, Councilor. We are grateful."

"I still say this a waste of your time and mine, Councilors," Saren said darkly. "However, I respect these terms and will wait for the next time Anderson tries to incriminate me."

* * *

"Well, that could have gone better," Anderson said with a huff, scratching the back of his head.

"We should have never brought you in there, Anderson," Udina said. The three of them walked down the steps of the adjoining council chambers and made their way back to the elevator. If they were attracting glances before, they were being stared at now. Shepard suddenly decided that the council chambers were _not_ her favorite part of the Citadel so far. "You have too much a history with him."

"You're probably right," Anderson said.

"From this point forward I'd like you off this investigation," Udina said. "That way, nothing we find can be scrutinized like we were just now."

"Woah, woah, woah," Shepard said, turning to walk backwards in front of them. "You can't take Anderson off the case, he's the CO."

"He's right, Shepard," Anderson said. "Besides, it might work out better if you take the reins on this one. Maybe it will help fortify the Council's faith that you can get the job done."

"Speaking of which, they seemed in a real hurry to end that meeting," Shepard said.

"That's how it goes with Saren," Udina said. "When Anderson first began his accusations against Saren, the Council seemed at least partly willing to cooperate with humanity. Then, as Anderson continually didn't have the evidence to support his claims, they gradually stopped listening. You noticed that they didn't mention the beacon, didn't you? They obviously think we either still have it or destroyed it purposely and are using the geth attack and yet another Saren accusation as cover."

"Why would they think we'd want to destroy the beacon on purpose?" Shepard asked. "What would we gain?"

"A potential advantage over the rest of the galaxy," Anderson said.

"A pro-human political group named Terra Firma typically enjoys spreading rumors about human advancement and need for isolation from the rest of the galaxy," Udina said. "They believe it's the best, but in fact it's the worst thing that could happen to us. We need strong ties with the Council if we want any kind of say in this world."

"They are also most likely the greatest reason that humanity looks belligerent and foolish in the eyes of the other species," Anderson said. "Our approval rating with the rest of the galaxy is thirteen percent. _Thirteen_. We really can't afford this kind of travesty right now. We need to prove that Saren was behind this attack or else we may never succeed."

Shepard supposed she could understand the gravity of her situation better now. She hadn't realized that humanity's approval rating was so low. No wonder Udina had been on the verge of a stroke when he was yelling at her on the _Normandy_. She could understand now. He wasn't necessarily mad at what she had been unable to do but was more afraid of what might happen in case of total failure.

"Well, I guess I'm going to play detective now," Shepard said, falling into line beside Anderson again.

"Yes, and this is where things might get hairy," Udina said. "Citadel law is very clear about a nation's soldiers and their rights here. Unless they are a Spectre, no soldier may wear their armor or carry a weapon here. The laws are very strict and if you get caught with either of those items you'll be locked away with barely a trial. C-Sec can be pretty touchy."

"So I'm wearing my uniform?"

"No," Anderson said. He and Udina exchanged glances. "This will be a covert mission of sorts. You can throw your name around when you talk to someone, use your rank if you need to, but if someone sees you coming in an Alliance uniform and they happen to be tied to Saren…"

"I get it," Shepard said. "I'm a civilian then. Is the Citadel the best place to find evidence, though? Eden Prime seems more appropriate." Shepard remembered the massive ship that had disappeared into the sky, the tall black spires in the ground, and the multitude of charred corpses.

"Not even Hackett will be able to get us in there for an investigation," Udina said. "The defense of the colony's as a whole is the Defense Committee's forte. They'll have him busy mopping up any geth resistance."

"Besides, that C-Sec officer, Garrus, might come in handy," Anderson said. "He said he was following up leads on Saren didn't he?" Shepard grinned.

"Yeah, he did," Shepard said. "He's probably our best bet."

"Let's get you back to the _Normandy _and situated with some civilian clothes," Anderson said.

"I'll work on stalling the Council and suppressing Terra Firma as best I can for the time being," Udina said. "Anderson when you've finished come meet me at my office."

"Got it."


	9. You Suck Harkin

Shepard sat quietly, her hands clasped together in front of her. Her elbows rested against the table top as she listened to Anderson and Udina talk. The _Normandy's_ conference room elicited the soothing hum of the ship's engines a few decks below, a sound that Shepard was quickly beginning to feel calmed by.

"It's clear that Saren still has the Council wrapped around his finger," Anderson said. "Therefore he probably still has access to his contacts here on the Citadel without having to worry about supervision. Considering his job, you better believe he has his fingers in C-Sec."

"Finding dirt on him and C-Sec would be good for us," Udina said. "And that Garrus fellow you mentioned sounds like our best bet. If he is truly trying to bring Saren in, that is."

"He seemed pretty adamant about shutting Saren down," Anderson said. "But he's a detective. He'll be all over the Citadel with his kind of workload, and you can't just ask C-Sec where one of their troopers are at any given time. Not only that, odds are that kind of inquiry would reach Saren and he'd cover up any loose ends."

"We still have to find out where Garrus is, and the only people who know that is the Council and C-Sec," Udina pointed out.

"I know a guy… Harkin," Anderson said. "He usually hangs out in Chora's Den nowadays, this strip club in the wards. He may know where Garrus is. He's a son of a bitch but he's observant."

"I could go and talk to him," Shepard offered.

"Yes you will," Udina said. "And get back to us when you do."

* * *

Watching the Citadel go by through a window was one thing, but standing in the streets of it was another. Shepard walked down the neon lit paths between throngs of different people and races, Ashley and Kaidan trailing behind her looking somewhat less impressed. Shepard looked around as she gawked at the various street signs and floating advertisements. As she passed, each one would suddenly change to show her very own face. They showed her grinning madly driving the new luxury skycars, lounging on some far away beach, or rubbing acne medication on her face. It was a little unnerving at first, but Shepard found herself waiting eagerly to see what new situation the billboards would put her in.

The downtown area of the Zakera Ward was a maze of shops, restaurants, and residential buildings. Shepard had read on the various floating signs and heard from many passing persons that the Zakera Ward was the most diverse ward of all of the arms. Shepard could certainly see why, as each building or advert bore a different language or insignia. Shepard made a game for herself by trying to guess what shop offered what by looking at the odd logos over the doors before looking inside to see if she was right. She was almost always wrong, but it didn't matter. She was all the more excited.

"Ma'am, I think we're going in circles," Ashley said, clearing her throat.

Shepard glanced over her shoulder. The three of them looked very different in civilian clothing. Kaidan looked normal enough, but Ashley's incredibly muscular physique made her stand out even in her long sleeve shirt. Shepard figured the best word to describe their little party was 'awkward.'

"Me too," Shepard sighed, opening her omni-tool for the map she'd installed. "Anderson said to look for Chora's Den and speak to a guy named Harkin. Supposedly he can tell us where this C-Sec officer named Garrus Vakarian is."

Shepard skimmed through her map, admitting to herself that the reason she'd been so focused on seeing everything in the wards was to take her mind off of Milo Gallahan. The kid had been gone by the time Shepard and Anderson had returned to the _Normandy_. Kaidan, who'd been in command of the _Normandy _at the time, informed them that an official from the Academy had come to take her back to Earth. Since her debriefing was completed and her psyche looked over by Chakwas, Kaidan had had no reason to keep her aboard.

Shepard wasn't sure why she felt let down after Milo got to go home. Maybe she'd at least expected to talk to her once more before she left? Then again, what would she have said? Goodbye? Good luck? Shepard would have at least liked to have seen her to her ship. Shepard remembered the way Milo had broken down into tears on Eden Prime despite her stoic personality. Maybe she had passed the psych evaluation, but it didn't make Shepard feel any better about it.

Speaking of not feeling any better, thoughts of Jenkins came and went in her mind. Shepard hadn't had the chance yet to send a condolence letter to his family. A family which was most likely on Eden Prime right now, their home in chaos with Geth and Alliance soldiers fighting it out even still. What if they died there? Would the entire family die on the home world they'd made for themselves? Jenkins had said his family was a bunch of farmers with simple tastes. Good people.

Shepard silently dragged her index finger along the holo-interface of her omni-tool, her eyes dancing across the different points on the map as they flew by. She ought to stop worrying about what-ifs or kids and start worrying about her mission at hand. Shepard sighed inwardly. She hadn't had to deal with problems like these when she was just a test pilot.

"Looks like we're a level too high, troops," Shepard said, flicking her wrist to deactivate her omni-tool. "Let's find some stairs."

"I saw some just back a block," Kaidan said. "By that asari salon place." Shepard smiled slightly at his words and waved them after her. The 'place' that Kaidan referred to was a shop that looked exactly like a hair salon, but it was for asari crests to be massaged and smoothed. Looking inside, Shepard had been able to see half a dozen asari sitting cheerily in chairs as attendants massaged their heads and made small-talk.

Shepard made her way down the stairs, making sure not to run into anyone on the way down. When she reached the bottom, she found herself on a narrow street packed with people. On either side were various buildings with even more businesses of all kinds. Shepard was relieved to see a massive neon signs with a scantily clad asari on it. She was laying back on her elbows with her legs crossed seductively in front of her. Her finger pointed down an alleyway.

"Hey there, gorgeous," the sign said in a feminine voice. "Stop by Chora's Den and one of my girls can be all yours."

"Oh, this is definitely the place," Ashley said irritably.

"Definitely," Kaidan agreed, eying down the alleyway. A few meters down the from the group was a large, wide open door lined with purple neon. Inside, Shepard could hear the steady thump of music and the raucous sounds of laughter coming from inside. Shepard made her way over, wondering what an alien strip club looked like.

Oddly enough, it was very similar to human ones. In the center of the large, circular room was a bar tended by three _absurdly_ beautiful women wearing _absurdly_ little. Above the bar on a large rotating platform were two asari dancers moving together in a sensuous dance, hands moving along each other's bodies enticingly. Around the edges of the room were tables with even more dancers moving on top of them. Men and women, mostly humans and turians, watched them anxiously. Almost all of the dancers were asari and human females, with one turian female in the mix.

"What would a space station be without a strip club, right?" Ashley asked sarcastically. "It's not like this space could be used for something more useful or anything."

"You know, I just _knew_ I was straight until about ten seconds ago," Shepard said with wide eyes, staring at the two asari on the platform above the bar. She turned her head at the two surprised faces of her comrades and chuckled. "Kidding."

"Sure, ma'am," Ashley sighed.

"Please, Ash, there's not really my type in here," Shepard said with a smile. "Now let's find this Harkin guy, if he's in here at all."

Shepard made her way around the club, pushing her way through various patrons as they ogled at the dancers in front of them. Shepard knew from Anderson that Harkin was a balding, alcoholic, middle aged man with dirty clothing. Looking around with the image of the man in her mind's eye, Shepard had to wonder why this guy hadn't been fired from C-Sec already. What services could he provide that the wealthy security agency couldn't procure in some other fashion?

"Is that him?" Kaidan asked, jabbing his thumb to Shepard's right. The Commander followed Kaidan's gesture and to find a man that perfectly fit Anderson's description. Luckily he wasn't busy getting a lap dance, but instead was busied with a tall glass of something green and milky looking. Shepard made a face as she approached, idly wondering what kind of drink that was or what race had come up with it. Suddenly there was a crash to her left. Shepard snapped her head in the direction of the noise and saw two hulking masses of armor standing toe to toe.

"Leave, Wrex, now." The krogan's face was covered up by a massive helmet the size of a car hood. He was easily over seven feet tall, and his arms were as large as swordfish. Facing the creature was another of the same species, his armor red and body even larger. He looked eight feet tall and his head was as massive. His face was exposed from his armor, revealing wrinkled skin laced with old scars. His large, blood red eye balls fixated the other alien dangerously in place. His voice came out of his mouth deep and certain, making Shepard's skin goose bump at the sound.

"You tell Fist I'm coming for him," Wrex said. "I will kill him."

"You won't do a thing unless you want your millennia old ass thrown out an airlock. You think I'm the only guard Fist hired?"

"No, not that it matters," Wrex said. He crossed his arms. "I'll be back." With that, the krogan turned away and began heading for the front door of the club. He pushed Shepard and her team aside as he went, muttering, "Out of the way human. I don't have any quarrel with you." Shepard stepped back as he walked away, and shook her head.

"C'mon guys."

* * *

"Harkin?" Shepard asked. "From C-Sec?"

"Oh, well aren't you sweet," came a gravelly voice in response. "That's a nice getup you got there, a little too much for a place like this. Why don't you sit down on old Harkin's lap, huh?" Shepard frowned at him.

"Something tells me whatever it is you've got in those soiled pants stopped working twenty years ago, buddy," Shepard said. "Now, I was hoping you could help me find someone named Garrus Vakarian. My Captain contacted your agency-"

"Hold on, Sweetheart," Harkin said with a toothy grin. "What makes you think you can ask any favors of me?"

"I'm guessing the whole 'there are lives at stake' argument won't work with you," Shepard replied. "So I'm just going to make it clear. You tell me where Garrus Vakarian is, and we won't have any problems." It might have been a bad idea to threaten a C-Sec officer, but something told Shepard that if she punched this guy's lights out, C-Sec would shake her hand.

"Try me," Harkin shrugged.

Shepard sighed impatiently and looked around. This meeting was already getting out of hand and her attitude wasn't helping the situation. Still, she'd dug herself into a hole with this one and if she didn't follow up at least partially with her threats, Harkin would never help her.

"Do you know Captain Anderson?" Shepard asked. Harkin smirked.

"Oh, you're part of his crew are you?" Harkin asked. "Did he send you here?"

"Yeah, he said you'd help us," Shepard said.

"Sure I'll help you!" Harkin said with fake jubilation. "Anything for old Andy, right? But you'll have to humor me for a little while and listen to a little story of mine."

"Really?" Kaidan asked sarcastically.

"Just give me a minute," Harkin chuckled. "So the three of you are pretty loyal to the guy right? You've been with him for a while?" None of them answered. "You know he used to be a candidate for the Spectre's too." Shepard's eyes narrowed and she planted her hands on her hips.

"'Too?'" Shepard asked. "What do you mean by that?" Harkin shrugged.

"I just hear things is all," Harkin said. "Anyways, did he ever let you know that little detail? Or how he mucked it up so bad he even embarrassed the Alliance?" Shepard answered quickly, despite the man's words sinking deeply into her brain.

"Yes, he did," Shepard lied. Anderson had truly never mentioned anything about being a candidate like she was, although it seemed plausible. Not just the taunting of a drunk and likely corrupt police officer. Did it matter really that Anderson was a former candidate? It might if it affected her candidacy. Then again, Shepard guessed that Udina wouldn't allow Anderson to be part of the team to get her into the Spectre ranks if he didn't think the veteran officer _wasn't_ a detriment to Shepard's progress. "Now do you have anything else you want to share or can we move on?"

"Fine, fine," Harkin sighed. "So long as the Captain is clear with you three before sending your butts into the frying pan, right? Check with Doctor Chloe Michel in the Wards, a few levels up from here. She's been a VIP to Garrus since he started nosing around Saren."

Shepard looked at his little smirk and remembered seeing men just like him pull up to her on the side of the road at least four times growing up. Each time she'd been able to see the truth behind the small smile and understand what lay festering there: ugliness.

Shepard felt a chill run down her spine and offered thanks to the 'man' who'd 'helped' her. She could feel old things tapping from inside her head, old urges easily restrained but constantly reminding. She led her company away halfway through Harkin's snide response and pressed her left hand against her hip, a place usually reserved from a sidearm.

"What a creep," Kaidan said lowly as they made their way to the exit of the club.

"I wanna know what his performance records look like," Ashley smirked.

"I think we can imagine," Kaidan said dryly. "I guess its good we're getting out of here now. We looked pretty awkward just standing there talking to Harkin." Shepard supposed he had a point. Not once had she instructed her crew to even 'act natural' during their conversation, something basic she ought to have thought about upon entering. Shepard grimaced at the amount of times she could remember reviewing her actions in a negative light in the past week. Three weeks on the job already. Hopefully too early to tell if her apparent judgment lapses were now a staple in her performance as a warrior.

Shepard opened her omni-tool and accessed her map, navigating the holographic layout in search of the appropriate clinic. Sure enough, Harkin hadn't been lying. There was a clinic just three floors up from Chora's Den. When Shepard tapped the building on the layout, a white pop up appeared next to it in the shape of a text bubble. The name of the clinic, Fairview, was offered as well as several reviews from previous patients. The clinic did not have what Shepard would call a five star recommendation.

"Let's find those stairs again," Shepard said, closing her omni-tool after remembering the correct pathway to the clinic. "Let's try not to get distracted this time." She was mostly speaking to herself and the two others in her party knew it. She half-smiled as, out of the corner of her eyes, she saw her troops both look amused.

As they walked along, Shepard's mind traveled back to what Harkin had said about Anderson's failed candidacy. If that was true, that must have happened years ago. Anderson was still a fit man and modern medicine could keep even middle aged men like himself looking young, but there was no way the Alliance would let a man of Anderson's age be their candidate. He must have been younger.

Harkin seemed to know his place well enough in that he knew to help members of Anderson's crew, but Shepard could tell he didn't like the Captain very much. Hell, a four year old could tell. Shepard figured Anderson had the weasel by the balls about something, probably doing with Harkin's position within C-Sec.

As they walked upwards, Shepard wondered what dirt they would find on Saren. She remembered the way he'd addressed her, speaking down to her like she was nothing. Shepard had to admit, as hard as it was, that she'd been intimidated by the turian. Perhaps it was the body modifications covering him? Perhaps it had been his tone of voice, so denouncing. He'd commented that she hadn't even looked like a soldier, much less a Spectre. There was only really one way to throw those words back in the guy's face. Working out, getting fit. Something Shepard had been exceptionally lax in doing for the past few years.

Maybe she ought to go find the permission to enter the council chambers in her armor? Shepard fought the urge to groan. What armor? The hundreds of shattered pieces of garbage that had been too heavy for her body anyway? Shepard would need new armor, a stronger body, and focus. There couldn't be room for screw ups, doubt, or failures if she wanted to be a Spectre.

Shepard's walk faltered for just a second, going unnoticed by her crew. To be a Spectre. Was that something she even wanted? Her superiors had been clear that this was the next phase in her career, but judging from the events that had happened so far, it would be easy to fail and be sent back to test piloting ships. If she wanted, she could embarrass the Alliance so badly they'd send her back and never acknowledge her existence again. She wouldn't have to deal with the mounting pressure, building the muscle, relearning the tactics, or standing in Saren's gaze ever again. It would be easy.

Of course, then what would happen to the _Normandy_? To Anderson, Kaidan, or Ashley? What would another failure do to humanity's reputation amongst the council members? Humanity was fighting an uphill battle, if they lost another chance what would be left? Most importantly, if not her then who? Shepard remembered the pulpy mass of Jenkin's disintegrating body at her feet back on Eden Prime. That could be any number of Alliance soldiers right now, fighting back against the Geth with questions lacking answers. Shepard's gut told her Saren was involved in what was happening on Eden Prime.

The eyes of many doubtful and hateful people were on her now, watching her every move. If she failed, humanity would fail in many pairs of important eyes. Shepard sighed, wrapping her right hand around the railing that lined the stairs going up from the current floor of the Wards. Above her, two more flights of stairs awaited and eventually a clinic with a low recommendation.

_"I've got work to do."_


End file.
